Your 'first' Valentine's Day

Even if you're 'not really into' Valentine's Day, there's no real way of getting out of it, especially if you've been with someone less than a year. Now is the time to tell them exactly how you feel about them (if you haven't already) and to gush appropriately without having to be completely intoxicated.

However, if you've both decided early on that you 'just don't do Valentine's', then stay in and have a takeaway followed by a film and some naughtiness. Anything to keep away from the snogging couple sat next to you at the flicks or restaurant... bleurgh. If, on the other hand, there's been no talk of not celebrating it, you better get some ideas together, and quick!

But we've only been together two weeks!
Don't panic, there's an array of suitable cards out there; they don't all have to say 'I love you' (it's way too soon for that). If you've only been on one date then stick to a nice card with a few words in it and a couple of kisses at the end. It may even be best to stay away from any presents; go for a single rose (men like flowers too!) if you're feeling especially 'loved up', but don't deliver it to their work address. Pop it through their letter box or bring it with you if you're meeting up on the night. It may also be that this early time in your relationship is more about lust than love, so go for furry handcuffs, saucy dice and naughty nibbles.

It's been three months and I've fallen head over heels in love
If things are moving along pretty fast: you're meeting up at least three nights a week, you've already met the parents and you've introduced them as your boyfriend or girlfriend, then you can safely say that you're in the category for slushy V-day gifts. However, if you're still taking it relatively slowly: you've not said the L-word yet (however much you want to!), you meet up around once a week for a night out or to stay over and you've only just met their mates, then take things a little slower.
Don't choose this opportunity to tell them you love them in a card - it's so much better said in person and then you can see their immediate reaction (and react appropriately). Suggest that you do something on the night and see what they say - if things feel a bit awkward then it may just be because they don't want to go out and share the moment with other couples doing exactly the same thing. Offer to cook them a meal, or if you're staying over, make them a special breakfast (with pancakes cut into heart-shapes if you really want to make an effort), or suggest a romantic day out together.

We've been together a while, but things aren't great
You're approaching the soppiest day of the year and the only thing you want to send them is packing. It may be best to try and get the 'conversation' over before the day approaches. Get things off your chest; it may be that they're oblivious to your unhappiness and things may start to improve. Wait and see what they come up with on the day. If you get nada, there's no better time to move on. If it's you that's the problem and you can't be bothered to get them anything, then it's best to ask yourself why.
If you really can't get the nerve to end things before February 14, send them a simple card saying 'Happy Valentine's Day'. If they are observant they will realise there is a problem- especially if you just write your name in the card with no message. If you don't even send them a card and they still haven't cottoned on that there's a problem, then maybe it's time to get rid - you aren't even registering on their love radar!

You're single, unlike the year before
Last year you were spoilt with flowers and a weekend in Paris, this year you're stuck on a train next to a woman who's trying to hold up her inflatable balloon and not stab you with the thorns of her roses. You get home and there are no cards on the mat - could things get any worse?

Well yes, actually they could be worse (think of wars and people starving and so on). You're single for a reason - the person you were with either wasn't right for you or you weren't for them. It has to be a two-way thing. You're saving money from not having to splash out on needless gifts or meals, you don't have to save the date in your diary for the whole year just for them and you can go out on the town and mix with all the other singletons. Yes that's right - if there are other people out and about on the evening of February 14 and they're alone, there's a very high chance they will be single. It's a pulling paradise, get stuck in!