How to be a good step mother

Being a new step mother is probably one of the most difficult, daunting and hard things to do.
Just think about all the upheavals, difficulties, and arguments you will face - and this is just the beginning.

When you join a new family the best way to approach the task is to talk about your fears and problems.
The golden rule to remember is this: Your 'new children' may not want you there. They may have had a mother who they want there instead. Most times this just isn't possible. The best way to address this is to talk to them. Tell them you are not trying to step into anyones shoes - and that you are not a replacement for the missing mother.

Here are a few tips for coping with being a step mother:
1. Remember that they are not your children. They are bound to act out a little in the beginning. Do not discipline them yourself. Talk to your partner about this and decide that he decide punishments - not you. If you do not do this it will only make the children believe that you are the 'enemy'.
2. Talk to them. Be interested in what they are doing at school, their lives etc. Do not be nosy, and don't seem like you are prying and then reporting back to your husband/their father.
3. Keep anything they tell you a secret. How can they trust you if everything thet tell you is relayed back to their father? Obviously anything serious and cause for concern should be told to your partner, but ensure that he does not tell his children that you told him.
4. Do not try to replace the missing mother. Don't try to look, cook, talk or act like her.
5. Remember when times are tough that it will get easier.
6. Be a good listener.
7. Don't bad mouth the children's mother in front of them. If she is still alive/around try to arrange contact and show them that you are not trying to keep them from their real mother.
8. Try to do things as a family. This won't happen overnight. As the children trust you more and welcome you into theuir family it will bcome easier.
9. Treat them as small adults - not children.
In time it will get easier. You will need patience, compromising skills and a great deal of listening abilities. It will take time but you will get there in the end!