Detox your marriage

It's not just the body and soul that need a detox after Christmas. your relationship may be flagging too. For many, the strain of festive celebrations will be the last straw. According to the Family Mediation helpline, thousands of couples in the UK harbour fears of separation after Christmas.

Divorce lawyers claim that the first Monday of the new year sees a surge of couples filing for divorce before the tinsel is down.

Here's the essential guide to avoid it.

1. Focus on what's important now - the two of you. You may have lost sight of putting your relationship first over Christmas, but you can change that now. Carve out some quality time together and stick these dates in your diaries today. Keep them simple: explore a new beauty spot; revisit places where you first dated; watch a favourite film; have a candlelit dinner together.

2. Rekindle fonder memories - to help to banish recollections of the past fraught weeks. Ask your partner to go through your wedding album or photos from a happy holiday to re-establish warm and loving memories. Research shows that couples who use this technique are happier.

3. Forget blame, it's important that the recriminations and finger-pointing stops now. It is more constructive for you both to hold your hands up to any less-than-good behaviour over the past few weeks. Saying a genuine “sorry” is one of the most healing steps to take. Even if the gesture is not returned, it is well worth you making it.

4. A kindness a day keeps divorce away. Consider what you can do for your partner rather than getting stuck in always thinking, “What can they do for me?” Which small gesture would make his or her day easier or more pleasant? It could be lending moral support over a job dilemma, leaving a loving note in work papers, texting a joke or fixing a favourite supper, tidying up the CDs, or bringing a cup of tea to bed in the morning. Small kindnesses go a long way towards healing difficulties.

5. Simple pleasures - an affectionate hug, a kiss goodnight and a little flirting - can help to heal angry feelings. Not only does touch help the release of oxytocin, the bonding hormone, but it can build bridges.

6. Symbolism helps: each day take a moment, close your eyes and visualise your relationship as a fragile plant. Just like that beautiful but endangered foliage, your relationship needs tender care. Research shows that taking a few moments of such reflective thought helps to re-anchor a couple to their goal to improve things.