How To Tell Her You've Cheated

You’ve been a bad boy and now you have to come clean. Whether you were caught up in a moment of passion with a stranger or carried on a long affair with a mistress behind her back, telling your girlfriend you’ve cheated is no easy task. Because we realize this is quite a daunting prospect, we're going to let you in on just how to tell her you've cheated -- and you may just come away with all your limbs and extremities intact.

• Be sure you want to tell her

Occasionally, telling might do more harm than good to your relationship. If you’ve slipped in the fidelity department, but know that it was a huge mistake and are confident that you’ll never do it again, you may want to keep it to yourself. It all depends on how well you can live with the guilt. If you think that it will eat at you until you’re forced to eventually reveal your transgression, get it over with now. You should either tell immediately or not at all. The middle ground in this situation is dangerous.

• Figure out your reasons for telling

Ideally, the reason you want to tell your partner is to be honest and open about your indiscretion. Telling her because the other woman has threatened to tell her first is not the most noble of reasons, but it is valid. The truth should always come from you. If she hears it from someone else, it will be that much harder on her, especially if it’s coming from the other woman.
If you want to tell her about your fidelity faux pas because you’re hoping it will hurt her, you either need serious therapy or a new relationship. If you’re hoping that hearing about your affair will make her so angry that she’ll break up with you, try being a man and breaking it off yourself. You obviously don’t want to be in the relationship and although you may think revealing an affair is an easy way to get out of it, it is a cowardly route to take.

• Timing is everything

Time is of the essence when it comes to revealing an affair. The more time that passes between the event and your confession, the more trouble you’ll have convincing her that you sincerely regret it and want to make it right. However, you also want to try to create the best situation in which to have the dreaded conversation. For the best possible results, do not reveal your secret to her in public, while she’s stressed out about work or after she tells you about a fight she’s having with her best friend.
Once you know how to tell her you've cheated, you may be able to save the relationship... Also, taking her out on a fabulous date, giving her a massage or drawing a bubble bath to soften her up beforehand is not a very good idea. The bombshell you drop on her once she’s pampered and relaxed will ruin all the work you put into the entire evening. Save the queen-like treatment for after your confession; you’ll need it.

• Be prepared for the worst

Since you're probably the person who is closest to her, you should have some idea of how your girlfriend will react to this news. Picture the worst possible scenario: Will she fly into a rage and dump your stuff on the sidewalk? Will she spiral into a desperate crying fit? Will she try to take your head off with a frying pan? Decide what the possibilities are and prepare for them -- all of them. Tell a buddy you might need to crash at his place for a while; plan to stay up all night holding her while she sobs; or remove any potential weapons from the nearby vicinity.

• Tell her

Start by telling her that you love her, then reveal that you made a mistake that you promise to never, ever make again. She doesn’t need all the horrible details at this point (although she might ask for them later), but make sure to emphasize that there were no emotions involved and it was a purely physical act -- and in this case it must have been because you are trying to patch things up with the woman you really love. You are going to have to let go of your manly façade and tap into the sensitive guy inside (if you don’t have one, you’re probably not the kind of guy to be making this confession in the first place).
Acknowledge the damage it has done to your relationship and do your best to show that you have genuine remorse for your actions. A few well-placed tears will really help your case here. Don’t pressure her to make a decision about the future of your relationship right away. Give her some time to digest your confession.

cheaters never prosper

Getting back in her good books is going to take more than simply not cheating on her again. You’re going to have to pay extra attention to your relationship in order to reassure her that you are committed to making it up to her, and committed to her in general. You may have to put up some residual anger from her for a long time afterward. Put yourself in her shoes and do your best to make the hurt go away -- after all, it was your slip in the first place.