Serious Mistakes That Can Ruin Your Perfect Same-Sex Wedding

Same-sex marriages seemed more commonplace and hope was spreading and then Prop 8 happened. And all of a sudden the noise rose up again. I like to think of it as the rage of the dying dinosaur, but people's homophobia hurts. It also makes people cautious. That cautiousness can lead to what look like minor accommodations, which wind up having long-lasting, negative impact on your relationship. Whatever you do, don't:

1--Concentrate too much on gay/lesbian rights and forget you are making a life-long commitment to your beloved. It is important to stand up and to align yourself with those who are choosing a courageous and just path. It is important to remember those people who were unable, not only to marry, but even to publicly declare their love. If I'm celebrating a same-sex marriage, I insist that we ask people to acknowledge the significance of this event. However, as in any marriage, what is most important is that two people standing before their community make wedding vows that proclaim their intention to live together in love and understanding for the rest of their lives. This isn't only a political action. I've seen people rush to marriage, in the fervor of the moment or the climate, who would better have waited. This can cause untold sorrow down the road.
Avoid this. Create a wedding ceremony that not only focuses on the political reality, but also is based on your passionate commitment to the work of marriage. Create wedding vows that acknowledge love's ability to transform fearful hearts into courageous expressions of commitment and devotion for one another.

2--Fail to invite the people you want to be there because you're worried what they'll think. There are three bad results from this. People will think you didn't invite them because you don't like them OR because you think they're homophobes OR you are afraid that this Love that has transformed your life isn't big enough to warm the hearts and unthaw the minds of almost anyone.
Avoid this. Invite the people you want to be there. Proclaim your love loudly and proudly. If there is anything there is not too much of in this world it is love and marriage and kissing. Make your commitments to one another and invite your community support them. Explain to them that as they support you they support the right of lovers to love one another when and as they do. I have performed many same-sex ceremonies and at the end of almost everyone, someone has said to me. "Oh, it's just Love." In all the weddings I've done, I've never seen anyone abstain from a pledge of support. Never.

3--Don't do it. What's the sense? It's not legal. It's never going to be legal. People don't approve. Our parents aren't approving or worse they'll put up with it as long as we don't talk about it. What's the commitment mean, anyway? So, we'll just keep on keeping on.
Avoid this. Gather together the community that loves you and proclaim your wedding vows for them to hear. Dress up, celebrate, have a party. Make it the most meaningful wedding anyone's ever been to. Call it a wedding. Your relationship will do better for the commitment. Your marriage will do better for the support and celebration of the people who attend and promise to stand by you. Steve and I did not get married legally. Mostly we did that to be in solidarity with you. There were 300 people at our wedding. Many were ticked we weren't "getting married." (many even madder we weren't going to live together. But here's the news. We could not be more married in our eyes or in the eyes of the 300 guests than if we had asked Uncle Sam's permission.Don't let hate make you any less than you are. Love is always stronger. And your relationship is beautiful. And if you do your ceremony right, your marriage will become more and more beautiful through the years.