Parenting tips: is your grown son ready for marriage?

You’ve taught him to walk, talk, even drive a car and do basic algebra. But nothing prepares us as parents for the day our son is ready to make the ultimate commitment and say, “I do.” The natural reaction may be to wonder how a young man who recently could not commit to one hairstyle could possibly understand the long-term obligation of marriage? This is the time we must put away our inclinations as parents to look at our own emotional tug-of-war and address the actual issues of the commitment to a long-term relationship, and this should be done before having any discussion with your son on his decision.

Before discussing any concerns you have with your son and his prospective bride, it is a good idea to have a logical discussion with yourself. Address the areas of your concerns one by one, rather than all in one mixed bag of apprehension. For example, rather than to say he is unorganized, has no concept of punctuality, has no experience with a prior serious relationship, etc., begin with item number one, his bad organization habits. Write each issue down and after looking over the list, number them in order of priority. You may be surprised to find that most of the issues that concerned you must don’t rank at the top of the priority list at all!

Issues that more directly apply to whether your son is ready for marriage include job security, financial planning and the ability to make adjustments to these issues so that they include consideration for two people rather than one. If you already have an understanding of where your son is regarding these areas then narrow any concerns you might have so that they directly address these details without automatically putting a negative spin on things. It may well be that your son has already given full consideration to these concerns and taken appropriate action to improve upon them.

Another important concern includes where your son stands on establishing his credit. His new future will likely include issues such as buying a home and perhaps having children. A stable credit history will make such goals much easier to accomplish.

Other issues to consider include:
Does his job require extensive travel, and if so have he and his partner fully discussed how to handle that?
If he and/or his partner have incurred debt, do they have a manageable plan for reducing it?
Does your son have a realistic understanding that all major life decisions will now require consideration for himself and his spouse?
Does he and/or his partner have future career plans that will likely require relocation, commuting, or other major life adjustments?
Depending upon the type of wedding, has he adequately prepared for the expenses involved, which can be excessive?
Have health, automobile and life insurance issues been addressed? Preparation of insurance coverage can prevent catastrophic financial burdens.

Lastly, ask your son if he has any concerns that you can offer advice or assistance with. It is most likely that he has given his future a great deal of thought and has compiled his own list of issues to address. Ask him to name one area that he feels may need his attention. Having done so, give him the opportunity to address that issue for himself with the offer to assist if he needs it. After all, he will soon be making all of these decisions for himself.