Ways to Accept a Spouse’s Annoying Habits

All married couples went through this. We married the person whom we thought is perfect, only to find out when we are living together with them that we can’t stand their stinky feet, their thunderous snores, the careless eating, the way they squeeze the toothpaste tube, the clutter they make around the house, etc. There are certain habits our spouse does that drive us crazy. Here are few suggestions what to do to accept them and still show 24/7 that we honor our vows to love them for better or for worse:

--Communicate with your spouse about his/her personal mannerisms and habits that annoy you. Letting the other person know that those actions bother you will call his/her attention. Habits are done unconsciously most of the time and your spouse may not know that you are affected by them. Talk kindly and with an open mind. Be willing to listen, too. By sharing with your spouse those habits and their effect on you, you are opening the door of communication and understanding both ways. It is much easier to accept the habit if you feel you are heard and acknowledged than being ignored.
--Be considerate. If you don’t like your spouse not cutting his nails on time or stacking dirty dishes on the sink without washing them, maybe he didn’t have time to do it right away. Instead of constantly fussing about it, try to put yourself in his shoes and imagine what he has to go thru his normal day. Maybe is too busy and can’t find the time to do what you wish him to do. If that’s the case, help him out by keeping your mouth shut and doing those tasks yourself. Practicing empathy when you are dealing with your spouse’s annoying habits will soften you and make you more accepting towards them.
--Have a sense of humor. It’s hard to laugh about something annoying that your spouse does but practicing yourself in seeing the funny side of it makes you feel better. In my experience I used to get so annoyed when my husband asked me to scratch his back every time I was about to sleep. I complained about it and told him to reserve his scratchy feeling some other time when I wasn’t very sleepy. But I scratched him anyway and while I did that one time I came up with an idea. While scratching him with my fingers, I wrote random messages on his back to keep me awake. I did not know he was reading them and gave me back his replies in his sleepy voice. It made us laugh. Now it gets better for us and though I’m still annoyed sometimes, I learn to accept that part of him.
--Change your focus. Instead of continuously aiming your attention at your spouse’s annoying habits, learn to change your perspective on your spouse’s wonderful side. You will be surprised to find out that he/she has more qualities worthy of praise which you have overlooked.
-- Use criticism sparingly. If you can’t hold your tongue, try your best to make it constructive. If you constantly put down or criticize your spouse about something that he does or doesn’t do that annoys you, he/she may get defensive and instead of trying to change those habits to make both of you happy, he/she will do the opposite. This is not healthy in your relationship.
-- Love without regrets and reaffirm it everyday. You married your spouse because you love him/her. If there are other reasons other than that, you will have a hard time adjusting and accepting your spouse as he/she is. Remind yourself everyday how much you value your spouse’s presence in your life, dwell in that feeling, and you will notice that your spouse’s annoying habits are insignificant in the overall picture of your marriage life.