How, and when, to date your ex-boyfriend

There are many reasons to start dating an ex-boyfriend again. After all, you must have had plenty in common to become a couple in the first place. He certainly had many good qualities to keep you interested before the breakup, and it is normal to hearken back to the good times after you have gone your separate ways.

There are many customs surrounding dating that help provide guidelines about which behaviors are proper and which are potentially damaging. Choosing to date an ex-boyfriend can be an appealing alternative to sitting home every Saturday night. Here are some guidelines to consider when trying to reconnect with your old flame.

First, think about what made you two decide to throw in the towel. If he was unfaithful or lied enough to make you suspicious he was having an affair, it probably is not a good harbinger of things to come if you get back together. Chances are he will assume you have forgiven the affair if you accept him back after he has cheated. Be prepared to leave the event fully in the past to give your renewed relationship a fair chance at succeeding this time. If you cannot do that, then it is probably best not to rekindle the romance. Less volatile issues (tidiness, his choice of friends, etc.) may seem less important with some time apart.

Next, consider the reasons for your new perspective if the traits that were once deal breakers no longer bear the same importance to you. Make certain loneliness is not driving your decision-making process. Start finding things to do if you think a hole in your social calendar may be partially to blame for your willingness to forgive. It may not only quell your loneliness, but also help you to meet men closer to your ideal match. Resist pressure from family and friends who liked him so much. A bad match is still a bad match even if your Great Aunt Betsy has other ideas.

Finding out you are pregnant with an ex-boyfriend’s baby is a delicate situation. If he has other children with women he did not marry, then you must question his interest in making your relationship permanent. You now must focus on the best interests of your new baby. He may not be the ideal father to raise your baby with you. Your ex-boyfriend might have wonderful traits for being an active dad that you did not appreciate before. When you replace the needs party girl with the new needs of an expectant mother, you may find your stick-in-the-mud man is actually great dad material.

If you were responsible for the transgressions in your relationship and want to make amends, be prepared for a long, hard road. You are going to have to earn his trust again, and possibly make drastic changes in your life to prove you have changed for the better. Typically, it takes two years without incident to be able to convince someone the changes are permanent. The object of your affections may not choose to wait that long to see if you are, in fact, repentant. While it may be too late to get back together with your ex-boyfriend, positive changes may help you to attract a more suitable match in your future.

Never consider dating your ex-boyfriend again if he comes with baggage that is hurtful to you. It is never okay for a man to hit you, and if your ex was violent towards you your physical safety must come first. Allowing yourself to resume a relationship with a batterer is potentially deadly, and not worth it. An ex-boyfriend doesn’t need to slap you to be hurtful, either. Don’t waste your time with an ex who was verbally abusive. If you were really so ugly, stupid, unattractive or mean, would he really want to get back together with you? Verbal abuse often leads to physical harm, and it is best left in the past. Drug and alcohol addictions are also potentially damaging to you. Do not consider reuniting with an ex-boyfriend who is newly clean and sober. Wait at least one year to determine if his rehabilitation was successful.

Assess dating your ex-boyfriend the same way you would any other man. Is he clean, respectful or considerate? Does he meet your expectations of a good partner and potential spouse? Sometimes the passage of time allows you to appreciate traits in an ex-boyfriend you did not acknowledge at the time. Maturity can be a wonderful relationship enhancement. With both eyes wide open, the second time around can be great with an ex-boyfriend.