Think about it: It’s the last thing you’ll do as a couple, and if it’s horrible, it’ll be the first thing she’ll recall whenever she thinks about you. This translates into a pretty bad public relations move on your part given that if there’s one thing you can say about women, it’s that they talk. Certainly, women are resilient. The tears will dry and she’ll recover, but in the interest of upping the potential for fond recollection, you might wish to avoid the following worst ways to break up with a woman.
No.10 - Under the influence
A little Dutch courage might make taking the plunge a touch easier, but a sloppy split becomes all the more sloppy if you’ve had one or two or a few too many. Being high is also, quite obviously, ill advised. It is near guaranteed that breaking up will not go well if you’re giggling uncontrollably, paranoid, jonesing for barbecue chips, or experiencing the symptoms of having used altering chemicals. This goes for her as well; if you know she’s not all there, it’s one of the worst ways to break up with a woman. You want to make sure that you are both of sound mind when you’re breaking the bad news.
No.9 - With cliches
Let’s just be clear here. Saying: “It’s not you, it’s me” is ridiculous. You’re breaking up with her. You don’t want to be with her. There’s something (or some things) about her that you just aren’t into. Also, saying: “Let’s be friends” is plain disrespectful. If you’re ditching the situation, you owe her the respect of taking a step back. Leave her alone. If you ended it, you have no say on the friendship potential. That’s her choice, and you need to suck it up, stay away and ditch the cliche mode as it is definitely one of the worst ways to break up with a woman.
No.8 - Remotely
Yes, this is the 21st century, but breaking up is pretty much stuck in the past. Don’t even think about ending it online. Dear John letters have always been disastrous, so the modern equivalent via e-mail is completely unacceptable and flagged as one of the worst ways to break up with a woman. Yes, advances in online chatting and instant messaging now allow you to see and hear, but it still ain't live. Phone call breakups have never been easy, so be a man: Do it in person. And if all this doesn’t tell you that text messaging is an absolute no-no, you’re probably too far gone to be helped anyway.
No.7 - Mid date
Telling her that it’s over before, during or after a date is the emotional equivalent of an ambush. It’s just not honest. She’ll know immediately that your plans were disingenuous because that’s in fact exactly what they were. If the goal of the meeting is to finish the relationship, tell her that you need to discuss the relationship. Don’t tell her you’re going out for dinner or watching a movie -- and it doesn’t matter what movie, because a post-date breakup is bound to have an unhappy ending.
No.6 - Post-milestone
If you have any inkling that it might not be right, you don’t want to be making any major moves like purchasing a house or a puppy. Everyone knows that divorce is not a walk in the park, but it’s also difficult to dissolve the partnership if you’ve decided to move in, buy a house, get a car, or make any other investment together. If making that investment doesn’t sit well, you need to get out of there. It’s never too late to end a bad situation, but why make it especially hard on both you and her by waiting even a minute too long and making it one of the worst ways to break up with a woman?
No.5 - By assumption
Sure, you’re clear on how you feel, but you’d better be sure she is too. Don’t take it for granted that a brief mention of how things aren’t going terribly well will be accepted as an end to the affair. What you say can be taken a number of different ways. You need to make sure that you limit this possibility for interpretation, so spell it out. Don’t count on anything less than a clear statement that the relationship is done. If you’re not saying it, she’s not going to hear it.
No.4 - Through provocation
When a little boy pesters a little girl, it usually means that he has a thing for her. If, instead of getting straight to the point, you turn pestering into provocation to locate a convenient moment to dissolve the partnership, this is going to be mighty confusing, annoying and angering for her and it's one of the worst ways to break up with a woman. Sure, you may disagree over which CSI is superior, but if you make this the relationship-defining issue, you can count on being confirmed as crazy.
No.3 - Publicly
Though from the outset, it may seem like a good idea to break the news in a public place, it’s like a no-man’s land, and that’s just the problem. With public breakups there’s no telling what might happen. In this situation, the event is simply not contained. If she gets upset, then you're responsible for making her cry in public. If she’s angry, you look bad as well. Public humiliation is never desirable (for you or her), so close the door to this possibility and stick to locations that offer you and your soon-to-be ex a level of privacy.
No.2 - By cheating
It’s guaranteed that it’ll be over if she finds out you’ve cheated, but you’ll also be forever known as the bastard she caught cheating. It doesn’t matter how much you want to get out, or how much another woman catches your fancy, you’re bound to look bad if there’s any awkward overlap. Also, once you’ve done the deed, you’re technically available immediately, but if you want to up the positive-memory potential, you’ll probably want to wait it out a bit (like the notice you provide when leaving a job, a couple weeks is probably enough) before bouncing back into the dating scene.
No.1 - Through avoidance
Again, clarity is the best policy. Yes, if you just quit answering phone calls, texts, e-mails, and your door, she’s bound to get the message, however, she’s also bound to get mighty upset, and you should know this is the worst way to break up with a woman. Unless you’re a glutton for punishment -- because it will take time and energy to dodge and weave between repeated cracks at communication -- take the high road and end it with dignity. She’ll most certainly still be hurt, but she won’t be left with the image of you as an unfeeling, insensitive ass who won’t pick up the phone.
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