Is he cheating or are you too paranoid?

Couples with relationship issues may get past the financial, familial and personal quirks, but infidelity is tough to work out. The basic trust that forms a relationship has been broken, and repairing it is a long, difficult journey. If a woman suspects her husband is being unfaithful, is she correct, or just insecure, maybe even a little paranoid? There are many variables, so a wife or girlfriend needs to be careful before making the infidelity accusation. The very first thing a woman needs to do is to take off the blinders and honestly examine her relationship with her significant other. Have they grown apart? Is she so wrapped up in taking care of the kids that she has little time for her mate? Is he really the type who cheats? Is he trustworthy in general? Was he a playboy before he married? Had he been through other relationships that broke up because he cheated? Is she seeing definitive signs that there is another woman?

If the couple is married or living together and they share a credit card, a good first place to look is the credit card statements. Are charges appearing for restaurants the couple never visits, florists, clothing stores, or other unexplained charges that look like gifts?

Cell phone bills are another way of tracking infidelity. Are the same unfamiliar numbers showing up on the bill, for protracted calls, or for calls that correspond with a evening when the man worked late, or went out of town? Searching these numbers on the Internet may reveal the presence of another woman.

Some women say their men became indifferent to them sexually when he began an affair. Some say the sex got dramatically better. This may not be the best way to know if a man is cheating. However, if a woman turns up with a sexually transmitted disease and she hasn’t been unfaithful, that’s a pretty good indicator her man has been.

There are also the traditional “signs” a man is unfaithful: long work hours, frequent business trips, unfamiliar perfume on his clothes, unexplained sales receipts in his pockets, a strange woman calling the home. But these are not always foolproof, and men are becoming more intelligent about these tell-tale signs.

Have friends told her they have seen her husband out with the same woman on several occasions? Friends are usually somewhat more objective than either spouse, so if they feel something is fishy, it may well be.

If the finances are available, the best option to know for sure if a spouse is cheating is to hire a private detective. These people are skilled at finding things out, and usually will know fairly quickly if an affair is going on. However, a woman should be prepared to hear whatever information the detective has for her.

Another factor in this equation is the woman herself. Does she imagine her man panting after every woman who walks by? Is she prone to question him for every instance of aberrant behavior, sure that it signals infidelity? If she does, then she needs to go to counseling and straighten out her insecurity issues so she will be in a better position to judge if her partner really is cheating on her.

The cheating vs. paranoid question is a difficult one to answer. There are so many variables that depend on the character of the parties involved. The best answer is that most women are probably not paranoid, but should still be very cautious about bringing a false accusation. They should have incontrovertible proof before confronting the man. A woman might even be well advised to see a marriage therapist first, so she can discuss the disturbing issues with an objective third party and have a clearer view of what is happening in her relationship.

Infidelity shatters relationships — often irreparably. Women should be willing to make certain of their ground before they bring up the issue, and should seek marriage counseling regardless.