Is online flirting considered cheating?

The concept of an online affair is a particularly controversial topic. What constitutes cheating when you are flirting with someone over the Internet, or allowing them to flirt with you?

Many people do not believe that it is possible to have a real relationship via the Web, but that does not mean that they will take it lightly upon finding out that their spouse or lover has tried. In fact, such a discovery may serve as a rude wake-up call as to how very real and possible online affairs are in this technological age.

How much is too much when you are partaking in a chat room, or speaking one-on-one with someone over an instant messenger? Keep in mind that the person on the other end may be perfectly serious even if you are not. Accepting a date, partaking in cybersex or participating in intimate role playing (even kissing) are all unacceptable if you are already committed to someone. You should not need to have an online friend with which to perform such acts when you are in a relationship with someone. The online girlfriend or boyfriend's proximity will not spare you, nor will the excuse that difficult times with your significant other are causing tension that you somehow need to relieve. Problems with your boyfriend, girlfriend or spouse need to be faced head on rather than prolonging what could be a dying relationship by turning your attention to other outlets. Don't wait for your marital stress to smooth itself over, in particular if your spouse is more important to you than your online acquaintance - and they should be.

With that comes the concept that the online acquaintance may have actually become more important to you than your spouse or partner. This is an uncommon problem, but one that will continue to happen in the same manner as it tends to locally. Have you fallen in love with this person? Has something more than just a friendship been lurking or ongoing? And, most importantly, will it continue? Such a friendship can easily turn into something else if you allow it to happen, causing break-ups between couples and possibly going as far as separation or divorce.

This can happen to anyone, online or off, and it is important to recognize it in the initial stages. If you really do plan to leave your spouse or significant other for someone you met online, do them the honor of not beginning one relationship until the first has ended. It is no different than dating someone locally - partaking in a new relationship because you haven't found a way to break it off with your current is no way to treat a person. Continuing to date both because you are unsure whether the new relationship is going to work out is also unfair, if not worse. Choose one or the other!

So, how can you tell when your friendship with that German guy or girl you met in a chat room has gone too far? You might flirt with your roommate's girlfriend or your boyfriend's buddies jokingly in real life, and that does not put you in any danger, but other people might see it differently. It is necessary to put yourself in your significant other's position and think about what you would do if they were caught role playing a make-out session on the Internet. Think about what would or wouldn't bother you (or alternately, what SHOULD bother you) and do not go beyond those boundaries. Proceeding with caution does not necessarily mean breaking off contact with your online friends, but recognize that even a little harmless flirting could do great damage to a real-life relationship you consider much more important.