When meeting a girlfriends parents

As many of us discover in our first years of dating, there are certain events which seem to mark the evolution of a relationship. A casual dating situation becomes a little more serious and the couple might stop seeing other people. As that exclusive relationship progresses, discussions may turn to the future- thoughts on marriage or children or careers. At this point, your girlfriend may feel comfortable enough to actually invite you home to meet her parents. The sound you're now hearing is a thousand male tires screeching to a halt.

Meeting her parents for the first time does not have to resemble all of those sitcom and movie storylines about disastrous first impressions. If you can keep your wits about you, meeting her parents can actually turn out to be a very enlightening experience. If you ever want to understand how someone's mind truly works, just visit her childhood home for two hours.

First of all, it's important to understand the significance of this first meeting from her point of view. A girl of dating age spends most of her time separating promising princes from disappointing frogs. Part of that decision-making process is rooted in her own upbringing and family dynamic. Nobody understands better than she does how important it is to bring home a decent prospect. She knows the level of scrutiny a boyfriend might face, and she also understands the reasons behind that scrutiny. If you've been invited to meet your girlfriend's parents, appreciate the gesture for the significant event it is.

If you find yourself wearing your cleanest shirt and standing nervously outside your girlfriend's parent's door, keep the following tips in mind:

1. Forewarned is forearmed.
Long before the actual meeting; try to find out as much about her parents as you can. Ask her if they are sensitive about certain topics, such as religion or alcohol or politics. Do they have interesting careers or hobbies? Are they liberal or conservative? What sort of entertainment do they prefer? Would they find any of my own personality traits offensive (language, clothing, image)? The more you can learn from your girlfriend, the less likely you are to offend her parents unknowingly.

2. Key off your girlfriend's behavior.
Meeting near-strangers is already difficult, so it helps to follow the lead of someone who knows them much better. Keep an eye on her demeanor around her parents- is she completely at ease, slightly formal or seized with fear? There's almost always an exaggeration of personality during awkward events, but the way she's behaving should be a clue for your own. Most parents are usually easygoing with their children's significant others, because they truly value their child's happiness. If you're making their daughter happy, you've won half the battle.

3. Dress for success, but not necessarily for a wedding.
A clean appearance can make a good first impression, but try to find a balance between your own style and a more formal one. It's better to present yourself as someone who is comfortable in his own skin, not trying too hard to be presentable. Leave the t-shirts and worn jeans at home, obviously, but dress at the same level as your girlfriend. Try not to accessorize with anything controversial- no earrings, body piercings or provocative hairstyles. Even if her parents understand their daughter's alternative lifestyle or artistic flair, a first meeting does call for general understatement.

4. You will be under scrutiny, so avoid going over the top.
Remember that her parents are also people who have never met you before this particular evening. They may not understand your sense of humor or tastes in music or opinion on political issues. This is not the time to demonstrate all three at once. Even if a strong personality is your strong suit elsewhere, this first meeting is not an audition for an improv group. Demonstrate your ability to match your personality to the situation at hand. One of your girlfriend's unspoken fears is being embarrassed by your unchecked behavior. Allow the conversations to flow naturally and insert just enough of your personality to let her parents get a favorable impression.

5. Don't worry if the first meeting does not go well.
Parents and their children often have conflicts when it comes to dating. Parents look for different qualities in a prospective son-in-law than your girlfriend might. Parents tend to look towards the future- a promising career, emotional stability, and long-term goals. Their child (your girlfriend) may be more attracted to physical traits or an irreverent sense of humor. When these two camps collide during your first meeting with her parents, you may feel caught between them.

It's important not to create more tension if the first meeting takes a bad turn. Instead, concentrate on strengthening your relationship with your girlfriend and plan a new visit with her parents when some time has passed.