Sexual Reasons Why Your Women Will Drop You Like the Dow in 2009

Now that we are entering a new year, men and women alike are really starting to reflect on their past relationships and the sex that goes along with them. And both parties are thinking it may just be time to upgrade. And the hot word in 2008 was bailout, and that is just what your women might be thinking for 2009 if you meet one of these five criteria of a sexual failure.

1.You think foreplay comes before your entree
Nothing like beating a dead horse here, but if you continue not to understand what the word caress means, then you are doomed to be searching some online personals in 2009. Touch matters to women, not just on their vagina, but on their neck, ear lobes, the back of their knees, and right next to the corner of their eyes. These touch points are what separates the bang buddies from the Don Juans.

2.You don't know that your lover can have an orgasm through her breasts
Yep, it's a fact, women can and do have breast orgasms. And they can be more intense than any clitoral show you can put on. And, the most important thing about these orgasms is that they release a chemical known as oxytocin that makes your women feel close to you and bonds her to you. This is probably released during breast feeding to make a mother feel close to her baby, but if you use it to your advantage you can really score big.

3. You are so out of shape that you last as long as ice cream in hell
If you are in poor cardiovascular shape, you will last significantly less time then if you you did some running or treadmill work. You may think this is nonsense, but it is not. The heart is weak when you're out of shape and it can't pump blood to the penis and the brain in equal shares. If your out of shape and you start a wild sex session, the heart sends the majority of blood to brain first and penis last. And you will get softer erections and not last long at all. Certainly grounds for the girlfriend to start looking.

4. You have a fake vagina in your closet
You guys know who you are, and you need to get rid of that thing immediately. With the invention of the internet and silicon, came some pretty amazing sex toys. I can understand your excitement, women got some pretty nice stuff too, but you have to get rid of these things. Why, you might be saying, that thing is awesome. Well, because to women it is gross, because we know that you probably don't clean it on a regular basis and because it is still just weird.

5.You think your penis is too small and you keep asking us about it
Just like you guys hate when we ask you if we look fat in our clothes, or if our butt looks big, we hate when you ask if your penis is too small. And then we say, no really it's not, and then you ask us ten minutes later, are you sure it's not. Stop asking, or do something about it. Because if you keep asking or get depressed about it too much, we will just look for a guy who doesn't have an issue with it.