Is your man too controlling?

Relationships take a lot of hard work and commitment. There are times when we feel less in love and we wonder why. In the natural flow of any relationship there are times when one partner may feel less in love than the other person. Most relationships rebound and continue to grow and flourish. The time to worry is when you find yourself feeling less and less enthusiastic, withdrawn, and lonely. Many problems can cause this, such as cheating, abuse, and a general loss of affection.

A big problem some couples face is one partner trying to control the other. In some cases it takes a while for a wife to realize that she is being controlled. The man has no idea that his actions are hurting his wife. He often reacts to her thoughts with sarcasm and degradation without realizing the impact this will have on her.

A controlling man will exert control over many areas of his wife's life. He may take control of the finances and demand his wife report to him about each dollar she spends. He will give her money for the bills and demand receipts. She may find herself asking permission to shop for things such as clothes and personal needs.

He may also attempt to control her personal life. He may discourage or even forbid her from going places on her own. Going out with friends or on vacations by herself are out of the question. If she does go, he may spend a large amount of time and energy making her feel guilty about it. This is an attempt to curb her behavior in the future. This may also extend to her family. He may try to limit the time she spends with them and stifle the influence they may have on her. She may find him trying to listen to her phone calls and reading her mail. He may try to access her email account and look through the files on the computer to see what websites she may have visited.

A controlling man may also discourage his partner from bettering her life. Things such as hobbies, higher education, or a new job may be threatening to him. Very often he will try to sway her way of thinking so that it matches his own. He may make her feel as if her ideas and thoughts are useless and inferior. This can leave her feeling as if she is in a parent and child relationship rather than a healthy adult partnership.

Controlling men usually do not realize they are doing something wrong. They feel their actions are justifiable and normal. Often they are subconsciously trying to bind their partner to them so that they will never leave.

Issues in his life that happened long before the couple met are usually at the root of the problem. Most controllers suffer from low self-esteem. Though this has nothing to do with their partner, they will project this attitude onto their wife. They feel if they can control her in some way, or change her way of living or thinking, that they are more important. They then feel better about themselves. They may have been involved with a person in the past that was unfaithful. This leads them to believe that if they keep tabs on their current partner and keep her with them at all times, she will not hurt them in the same way. A controlling person also fears abandonment. If she becomes dependent on him for everything, he thinks she will never leave him.

In a healthy relationship both partners respect each other's personal space and each other's ideas. They encourage each other to grow and to expand their horizons. A good relationship requires closeness as well as freedom to be yourself. Remember that women can also be controlling. If you are considering marriage to someone that shows signs of having control issues, remember that marriage will not fix this problem; it will only make it worse. Your partner may change, but it is something they have to do for themselves. Make it known that you will not be controlled and try to encourage your partner to seek counseling.