10 Guys You Don't Want Your Sister To Date

Let's face it, guys are jerks. Even the best of us have our tool-ish moments, but a select few members of the male species are permanent a-holes. This particular genus of manhood might even be one of your buddies, but that doesn't mean you'd want him dating your sister.

In the interest of protecting your sibling (or friend or cousin or moderately tolerable co-worker) from these creeps -- and taking cues from our sister site Lemondrop -- here's a list of the 10 guys she should stay far, far away from. In the event that you happen to be one of these guys, let it be known, we're onto you, buddy.

1.The Patrick Bateman
In honor of the pop music-loving serial killer from "American Psycho." He'll build up your sister's confidence, only to tear it down. He'll screw her friends, steal money from her purse and make her feel two inches tall (ironically, also the size of his member). He might actually turn out to be a axe-wielding maniac with a taste for Phil Collins-era Genesis.

2.The Cougar Hunter
This guy likes his women like his wine -- full-bodied and approaching menopause. Always eager to visit your parents for Thanksgiving, and a little too familiar with Diane Lane's career. More than a mere a thing for "cougars," this grown-up baby actually needs to be taken care of.

3.The Marv Albert
This gentleman has a taste for all things kinky, much like everyone's favorite panty-wearing sportscaster. He's into all the weird stuff that you laugh about with your friends (like, say, furries or balloon fetishists); the stuff you would never in a million years want your sister involved in.

4.The Stifler
He's the ultimate frat boy, and still loves to party despite the fact that he's 37. He chugs PBR without a hint of irony, and thinks Will Ferrell doesn't make enough sports comedies. He might be fun to occasionally play flip cup with in an effort to relive your college years, but he's mostly just sad. Known to subsist strictly on a diet of pizza and burritos.

5.The Fun Sponge
Perpetually cooler than the room, this Poo Face, can't wait to leave the bar/party/family reunion. He'll make your sister feel uncomfortable with his constant air of boredom and annoyance and suck the fun out of any situation. Ironically, upon leaving, he'll claim to have had a great time.

6.The Chronic Fapper
This guy takes the mainstreaming of porn way too far, incessantly dropping his love for Tera Patrick and Katie Morgan in mixed company. His Web browser's bookmarks are 90 percent sex-related, and he's perpetually exhausted despite rarely leaving his bedroom. He's so familiar with the output of Vivid Video, he can even name the male stars.

7.The Snoozefest
This guy works in finance, or maybe he's in IT. Either way, he's boring as hell. He thinks television peaked at "Friends," and his CD collection features dangerous levels of Jack Johnson. Your sister might describe him as a "nice guy," which is code for "completely unf&!kable."

8.The "Ish" Guy
He makes vague plans with your sister, then never follows through. "Drinks next week? Say Wednesday or Thursday-ish?" That "ish" means she should expect to see him sometime between not at all and never.

9.The "Pitchfork"Reader
Rolls his eyes at you for not knowing who Sebadoh is, and enjoys ripping on Vampire Weekend for being "so 2007." He'll take your sister to filthy clubs to see yet another Broken Social Scene side project, and has more avant-jazz CDs than anyone should (i.e., more than one.)

10.The Jackass
This guy's moniker works two-fold: He's both a fan of Johnny Knoxville and crew, and also an actual jackass. His idea of intelligent discourse is incessantly quoting "Family Guy," and the last thing he read was a Bazooka Joe comic. He may also aspire to a political career someday or currently be in politics.