How to help someone who has just lost a loved one

Losing a loved one is very difficult. No matter if it was a shock, or if it was coming (the person was sick), one can never be ready for that ultimate goodbye to their loved one. It doesn't seem as though it should have been their time, and it doesn't seem real that they will never see them again, at least not in this world.

People who have just lost a loved one may go into shock. That's why if you go a person's funeral, you might not see their family and loved ones crying. The survivors may be using a defense mechanism, denial, to help themselves cope with the ugly reality that their loved one is gone, and that they will never see them again. Of course, some people might not cry at their loved one's funeral because they want to be "strong," for one reason or another.

There are many things that you can do to help a person that is grieving. The first thing to do is of course, tell them that you are sorry for their loss- and really be sorry for it. They will be able to tell if you are sincerly sorry. They will appreciate this gesture.

The next thing might be to offer financial help. Sometimes people do not have life insurance, and can not really afford to pay for the funeral, headstone and burial. Often, when someone dies, there will be an address in the paper or on the news, where you can send a check so that you can help the surviving people to pay for the unexpected financial burden.

Bringing food over to the survivors is also a nice gesture. With all of the chaos and grieving, the last thing on the survivors' minds might be eating. Any foods will do, a pasta plate for dinner, maybe a nice banana bread for breakfast, a dessert, or maybe even sandwiches for lunches.
Sometimes, too many people bring over too much food, and the family may tell you that they have enough! That will be a good sign that the fmily is being supported well by outside forces, and maybe their own families.

Sending a sympathy card is also a nice gesture. In the card, you might want to write something religious, if they deceased one was like that, or you might want to write something positive about the deceased, like maybe a good memory that you have of that person. That will probably make the family feel much better, knowing that their loved one is being remembered with honor.
Attending the funeral and wake is also good manners. Also, send flowers to the funeral home, that is always very appreciated by the family. It's always reassuring seeing that their family member meant something to so many people- it's so great when there are a lot of people at the funeral, paying their last respects.

Talk to the person/people in the family that are left behind, that you know personally. After a few weeks after the funeral is over, invite that person out for dinner, or for something fun, like to play golf. The person may be glad to have someone to talk to, or they might just want to have fun, and not think about the whole thing.

If the survivor was a parent, and has kids, you might want to offer to babysit the kids for free so that the person can either have some alone time, or so that the person can go out with a friend and talk with the friend about everything, or just to go out and do something fun.
Buy the survivor(s) a book, if you see one that is appropriate. If the survivor is a religious person, go to the religious section of a bookstore and look up books on grieving. There may be some that are appropriate.

Don't forget about this person and their hurts, especially not after the funeral is over, and especially when holidays come around. Invite this person over for dinner, send them a card saying that you are thinking of them and that you realize their pain is far from being over. The person might feel all alone, and feel that everyone else has just gone on with their life--- make sure this person knows that you remember and acknowledge that his/her pain is still very new.