hat to do when your child asks: “Mummy, what were those funny noises?”

Expert advice on what to do when your child asks: “Mummy, what were those funny noises?”

“Er, Daddy and Mummy were just fooling around - we didn't realise we'd woken you up, darling.” This is an explanation no one really looks forward to uttering when they've just been caught in flagrante.

As well as embarrassment at the thought of discovering a small person at the end of the bed silently witnessing our most intimate moments, there is anxiety. We worry that what our child glimpses will disturb and upset him or her. “It could be that it taps into our anxieties about sexual behaviour; there's still this idea that sex is a bit corrupting if someone else sees it. We're allowed to do it but behind closed doors,” says Petra Boynton, a psychologist specialising in sex education. “It's only in recent times that we've grown so prudish.”

As Boynton points out: “Within the past century children would have lived in overcrowded conditions and almost certainly overheard sex. It wasn't viewed with the same anxiety.” Experts agree that parents are more likely to react badly, not their children. “Children generally take it in their stride,” says Paula Hall, a sexual psychotherapist for Relate.

Boynton agrees. “The key issue isn't them seeing you having sex but how you deal with it afterwards.”

Hall adds: “An open and light-hearted response is probably the best one. You could say something like, ‘We were just having fun and cuddling together; that's what Mummy and Daddy do sometimes'.” What they're interested in is the noise, not the sexual activity itself, so it's key to reassure them that neither Mummy nor Daddy has been hurt or upset by the activity. Likewise, you don't have to go into too much detail. Boynton says: “Be very matter-of-fact. It can be light-hearted with laughing, so they know that there's nothing to worry about. It's good if they can pick up that it's a nice thing.”

If you don't want it to happen again
(the interruptions, not the sex), maybe

you should take some precautions. “You may want to change your bedroom arrangements, move the bed against another wall if it's close to your child's bedroom wall. You can do particular things like turn some music on too,” says Hall.

She says: “It never affects anyone adversely. They know Mum and Dad are enjoying some private time ‘playing' and that's positive in itself.” Unless, of course, you're asked: “But why can't I play too?”