What they think about Sex & Commitment?

Tonight's the big night. You've had a few dates, shared a few steamy good-night kisses, and are finally serious enough about your new sweetheart to invite him or her into your bedroom. Can a serious relationship be far behind? It depends.

According to new research by Dr. Barry X. Friedman, assistant professor of psychology at Lebanon Valley College in Annville, Pa., sex is still a wild card when it comes to determining someone's interest in commitment. "Women are more sensitive as to whether a partner's willing to commit to them," he says. "Men, on the other hand, are less sensitive to this and are willing to go forward in the relationship - often meaning sexually - regardless of commitment."
Well, that's no surprise, you say. But what's interesting is how differently men and women read sex as a sign of commitment.

"One of the things I found was that, essentially, if she wants to have sex early in the relationship, he's inferring that she's committed to him, but if he wants to have sex early in the relationship, she's inferring that he's not committed to her," he says.
It's not just the act itself that confuses us. How we react to sex, or the lack of it, clues us in to a partner's commitment levels, too.

"A striking pattern of results was found for the cue, 'He/She was upset that you didn't want to have sex as soon as he/she did.' Men rate this as being slightly diagnostic of a dating partner's presence of commitment intentions," he adds. "Women view this as being slightly diagnostic of a dating partner's lack of commitment intentions. Similarly, men viewed a dating partner who 'was in a rush to have sex with them' as being slightly interested in committing to them, whereas women viewed such a partner as slightly uninterested in committing to them."

The moral of that story? Don't rely on your sexual habits to determine commitment.
Fortunately, Friedman's research does provide advice on determining commitment levels in men and women.

According to his study, the top five diagnostic clues to the presence of a man's commitment intentions are:
he tells his parents he loves you;
he tells you he wants to have children with you someday;
he tells you things he wouldn't tell anyone else;
he includes you in all aspects of his life;
and he gives you a key to his apartment.

Looking for a commitment from a woman? She's interested if she:
tells her parents she loves you;
Wants to have children with you some day;
shows interest in the two of you living together;
gives you a key to her apartment;
and tells you she wants an exclusive long-term relationship.