Improve your relationship with your father

It is impossible to move forward in a relationship with your father if you have not come to terms with the past.

DON’T IGNORE THE PAST
Many father and daughter relationships are fraught with problems and unresolved resentment and anger. It is impossible to move forward in a relationship with your father if you have not come to terms with the past. You have to address your issues with your dad if you want to get past them.

If you are the product of a divorced household, then you might have a lot of past issues to deal with as a result. Maybe you lived with your mother, and you grew up hearing about how horrible of a husband and a person your father was. It can be hard to overcome the resentment that has been growing in you if you feel that your father wronged your mother in some way. Perhaps after your parents got a divorce, you hardly ever saw your dad. Maybe he remarried a woman that you hated. Maybe you felt like after he remarried, he forgot about you and started a new family. Maybe you remember your father yelling at your mother before they got a divorce. Maybe your mother lost all of her money and her home as the result of a bitter divorce. Maybe your parents divorced as a result of your father’s infidelity, and you haven’t trusted him since.

If you felt that your father never respected your mother, then you may not respect him. Even if you are not the product of divorce, there are still plenty of father issues that you may be contending with. Maybe your father was a total workaholic, and he spent very little time with you when you were growing up. Maybe he was a severe disciplinarian who you feel stifled your happiness as a child and impeded your development into a healthy adult. Maybe you felt that he was never supportive of you, or you felt that he didn’t show you the affection and love that you deserved. Maybe your father was an alcoholic who flew into violent drunken rages when you were young. Maybe he was a slacker who constantly lost jobs and was unable to support the family. Whatever your past with your father is, you have to come to terms with it if you want to make progress with your relationship with your father.

FORGIVE

Sometimes when you grow up, you realize that the reasons that you resented your father were not warranted. However, other times, you realize that your father was wrong to act the way he did and to do the things he did when you were growing up. You have to make a choice: to forgive or not to forgive; to have a relationship with your father or not to; to hang onto the past or to embrace the future. Your father is human, and humans are imperfect.

While it is common for a child to think of her father as impervious and larger than life, as an adult you have to accept the reality that your father has tragic flaws just like anyone else. You do not need to pretend that the mistakes that your father made in the past did not exist, but if you want to move forward and improve your relationship, then you do have to forgive him. You should love your father unconditionally, as he should love you. Even if you feel that he doesn’t deserve it, you still deserve to give your relationship with your father a chance to thrive. It should never be too late to open your heart to a family member, especially someone as close as your father.

Give your father a chance to explain to you why he made the mistakes he made – you may not think the reasons are good enough, but like it or not, they are the reasons. Just because something is not an excuse does not mean it is not the reason. If you let go of your anger and resentment, you will feel renewed. It is amazing how much forgiveness can help your personal growth.

LET HIM INTO YOUR LIFE
Relationships require maintenance. If you are trying to improve your relationship with your father, then you have to make keeping in touch with him a priority. Weekly phone calls are a great way to stay up to date on each other’s lives. You should also try to visit each other as often as possible, especially if you have children. Even if your father wasn’t the best dad in the world, he should still have a chance to be the best grandpa he can be. If you have any love in your heart for your father, then you should pursue a relationship. If you don’t give it a try, you will regret it.