Express Sympathy when Someone Faces the Loss of a Loved One

When we are told there has been a death affecting someone we know or love, we might sometimes feel awkward or unsure of how to console that person; however, listed below are some points to keep in mind when this happens in your life to keep things moving smoothly.

Step1 --send a note First, if you cannot see the person who is grieving and you want to send them a note of condolence, do it as soon as possible. Though there are no time restraints on expressions of love and concern, it's just good etiquette to get your note out ASAP. Instead of just signing your name(s) to the card, jot down a few personal sentiments such as "I am sorry for your loss" or "we will keep you in our prayers". Studies have shown that people do not like to hear "I know how you feel". Stick with "I am sorry" and that is all, lengthy text is unnecessary.

Step2 -- If you are visiting them in person, a hug, squeeze on the hand, and telling them, again, you are "sorry for their loss" NEVER "I know how you feel" will suffice. If you knew the deceased personally, tell an appropriate, funny story to lighten the mood a little; it will bring an end to any awkwardness you might have felt and will put everyone at ease.

Step3 -- For close friends who have experienced the loss, offer to help them with any chores that you would be willing to do for them such as taking their kids to activities, picking up their dry cleaning, doing dishes, getting them groceries, vacuuming or doing some of their laundry if they let you.

Step4 -- People grieve at different intervals, but let them do it in their own timeframe; do not rush them. Just "being" with them is all they might want. Clear your calendar, put down the blackberry and cellphone and just sit with them.

Step5--Bringing food either for immediate consumption, for visitors, or for the freezer is always a great idea; check with your friend to see how much space he/she has for this if you plan to bring several items. Maybe there is a need for paper goods, just check and see and try to be pro-active with what is needed by the family of the deceased.

Step6--Whatever you do, do not avoid the person who has had the loss--a simple "I am sorry to hear about your loss" is all you need touch a heart that hurts.