Reminding your husband of your anniversary

A wedding anniversary is a couple’s opportunity to renew their love and commitment. Many husbands, however, tend to forget anniversaries. This is not because they’ve forgotten their vows or that they love their wives any less, but the date simply slips their minds. Wives, on the other hand, rarely forget anniversaries. Because most wedding planning is the bride’s responsibility, the wedding and subsequent anniversary date is foremost in her mind long before the couple is married. Gown fittings must be scheduled, invitations printed and mailed, sites reserved, RSVPs counted, and vendors confirmed all with that single date looming in the not-too-distant future. It is natural, then, that women remember anniversaries more easily.

Furthermore, most women readily plan all special occasions, including birthdays, holidays, and family gatherings, and anniversaries naturally fall under that planning umbrella.

There are many unobtrusive ways to remind your husband about your anniversary. However you choose to drop hints, be sensitive to his schedule by providing him plenty of planning time. For example, if your anniversary happens to fall during a week when he has an important meeting, project deadline, or other pressing business, you may need to begin reminders earlier so he has ample time to act. Reminding him too early, however, may not be effective unless you use multiple techniques. For instance, if you drop the first hint about an early June anniversary in late April, he may not recognize that it is six weeks away, but rather that it’s two months away, and your reminders will go unheeded. By using different techniques during the several weeks leading up to your anniversary, you insure that at least a few reminders are noticed.

A popular way to remind your husband of your anniversary is to highlight the date on a prominent calendar. Draw a large heart around the day, paste a small wedding photo on the calendar, or otherwise use a visual clue to draw attention to the date. Each calendar should be similarly highlighted – his personal planner, daily calendars, wall calendars, and electronic notebooks. This way, no matter which calendar he prefers, the reminder is there. This may not be effective, however, if your anniversary is early in the month and he will not notice the reminder until the new month begins.

A countdown is a useful reminder method no matter when your anniversary falls. You could send e-cards or other small, romantic notes saying that even though your anniversary isn’t for several days, weeks, or even a month, you can’t wait to celebrate with him. These reminders could be daily or weekly notes counting down to the event, and even though they are effective tools to remind your husband, they also demonstrate your love by showing that you want to celebrate with him for longer than that single day.

Your behavior can include many subtle hints about an approaching anniversary. Cleaning your wedding or engagement ring and showing him how gorgeous it is, with appropriate comments about its age and significance, is a powerful reminder, especially if the ring was his family heirloom or if he chose it himself. Suggesting that the two of you look through your wedding photographs is another tactic that opens up many opportunities to mention the upcoming anniversary.

If any friends or relatives have anniversaries around yours, you can mention those dates as a subtle hint about your own anniversary. This is also a good way to drop potential gift hints as you comment on your friends’ celebrations and how romantic or special their gifts were. You can even ask your husband outright what he may want to do for your anniversary, or how much he thinks would be appropriate for a gift. While this may seem like a direct reminder, its subtlety comes from the fact that you’re actually asking what he’d like to do, rather than coaching him about what you would like.

If you’re concerned that subtle hints won’t be effective, consider enlisting accomplices. If you hint too frequently he may consider it nagging, but if other people remind him, he is more likely to take the advice to heart. A secretary or coworker could easily remind him about upcoming events, and his mother or other close relative or friend could remind him directly without appearing pushy. What may seem like nagging from you is more likely to be viewed as a friendly tip from someone else. When enlisting help, however, be certain that your accomplice does not reveal your part in the reminder.

For some husbands, the most effective reminder is just to be direct. Let him know that you really want to celebrate this special day with him, but you’re afraid of disappointment because he is busy at work or otherwise preoccupied. Letting him know how meaningful your anniversary is to you is a powerful reminder by itself, and can easily prompt him to take extraordinary measures to demonstrate his love.

As the years pass and your anniversary number grows higher, elaborate hints and frequent reminders are not likely to be necessary. Even if you do need to coax your husband’s memory each year, however, there is one crucial point you must never forget: he may not remember your anniversary date, but he never needs to be reminded of how much he loves you.