First-Time Lesbian Sex at Midlife

Most women who figure out they are lesbians later in life have a few jitters when they face their first sexual experience. As a coach, I often hear questions like, "What do I do?" and "How do I do it?" I also often hear comments like, "What if I can't please her?" and "What if I don't like it?"
Please, relax! Remember, lesbian sex is, above all, FUN. There are some real positives about lesbian sex that really can reduce tension, compared to hetero sex.
There are no worries about getting pregnant. This is huge. No birth control, no "slipping up" and then having to wait on the edge of your seat 3 weeks to see if you've missed. Totally freeing. Then there is the issue of orgasms. Men have "one and done," so basically in hetero sex when he is satisfied, the experience is over. Not so with lesbian sex. With multiple orgasm capability it lasts as long as we want it to. Lesbian sex is never vanilla. Just by virtue of the fact that it IS lesbian sex! It is important not to fall into a rut, though. Keep it fresh. Communication is easier, since you speak the same language. Men and women have different communication styles and this can lead to misunderstandings when it comes to sex. Then of course, the greatest advantage is that you are having sex with a woman, which of course is what you have been wanting!
Now, let's say you have been dating a woman a few times and you think you are getting close. If the lady is also just coming out (this often happens to mid-lifers) there is usually less stress surrounding the loss of your lesbian virginity. You can learn together. While there are "how to" books available on the topic, you most likely will just end up doing what comes natural. I do recommend the books as a fun way to open up communication about the topic and maybe expand your concept of what constitutes sex and your exploration of each other.
When the actual experience does happen, you will most likely find it a totally natural and fabulous experience. However, some women do describe their first time as strange. This is perfectly OK. You have been used to having hetero sex and this is something new. However, if the strange feeling continues, or you feel very uncomfortable or do not like lesbian sex, maybe you need to rethink your orientation.
If you are dating a woman that has experience, you may feel under more stress. So, why not let her take the lead? Again, relax. Do what comes natural. There are no right and wrong ways to have sex. Listen to your partner, not only what she is saying, but her soon...breathing, moans, whimpers. It is possible to hurt her, but again, watch your partner's expressions, listen carefully and take your cues from that. Keep communicating, before, during and after sex.
Sex is always a learning experience when you are with a new partner. So, in essence every time with someone new will be a first time. Each of you has different things that turn you on and you must learn that about each other. While you may have read books or heard others' experiences and you think you know what lesbian sex is, the truth is that there is a great deal of variation in sexual styles and needs among women. Some women may crave oral sex, others may think it is a turn-off, some women may like penetration, others do not, some women may love their nipples touched and for others it may do nothing, or even be painful.
Even if your partner is experienced, it is still her first time with YOU, too. Make sure she is aware that you are a lesbian virgin. That will be something she is thinking about...making sure it is good for you the first time. So, the playing field will not be as uneven as you may think.
When having lesbian sex for the first time, remember, there is no right and wrong, just what you both like to do. There are no rules, just be natural and keep communicating - stay aware of how she feels and let her know how you are feeling and what you like, too. Keep these things in mind and I am sure of one thing - your first time will definitely not be your last!