Mar 31, 2009

Why Don't Men Like Calling?

One of the things that may greatly bother you in your dating relationship is why your boyfriend does not call you. If you have ever been with a man who seems not to know how to use the phone, then you understand how frustrating the situation can be. How do you extricate yourself out of such a predicament? Shouldn't you just call him up and tell him a piece of your mind? You can do this, but you should not. Things will simply get out of hand. There are better methods that you should use.

Many counselors will tell you that in any healthy relationship, there should be open communication between both parties. You may therefore decide to be forthright with your boyfriend about his lack of calling. In many cases, doing this does not yield any positive results, at least not as you would expect. Given that men usually communicate differently, your boyfriend may just be surprised that you are so worked up about such a 'little issue'. Of course, this will infuriate you even more.

You are the reason
This is something that may take you by surprise but it is true. There are high chances that you are the reason why your boyfriend does not call. This may be due to a number of factors.
In case you have been used to calling your boyfriend, then that's exactly why he is not calling. Why should he call yet you will call anyway? I know that this may not seem very reasonable to you, but that is how men tend to look at the issue.

If this has been the case, then you will need to take the initiative and break the chain. Stop calling him. This may appear to be harsh but it is what will get you out of the situation. Be determined not to call no matter how great an urge you will feel to do it.
When he does not hear from you for some time, he will be concerned as to what may be taking place. Unless he does not mind losing you to another man, he will call you, and keep it up.
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The Ability to Be Alone is Key to Having a Good Relationship

Are you staying in a bad relationship because you're afraid of being alone? If the prospect of being alone scares you more than the unhealthy relationship you're in, learn why the ability to be alone is actually the key ingredient to having a good relationship and a good life.

1. Nothing is lonelier than being in an unloving relationship.
It is one thing to get lonely when you are by yourself. You look around and no one is there. It is another thing to lie next to your partner in bed and feel all alone. Nothing is lonelier than that.
2. To know what makes you feel good, you must spend time alone.
There is only one way to know who you are really are - you must spend time alone. Alone time allows us to quiet all those other voices in our head other than our own. For the first time we are then able to hear our own voice. So much of the time we are busy trying to figure out how to make the other person like us; we need time alone to figure out how we can like ourselves.
3. Things come out when you are alone - that is good.
Being alone, eventually the mind begins to quiet down and things that were in darkness begin to come to the light. Our frame of reference narrows; we become Self-referring, i.e., we look inside for the answers, rather than outside, to others.
4. Everyone feels lonely sometimes - this is natural and normal.
Loneliness is part of the human condition. It is the existential slice of life that can never be changed; you will always feel lonely at times. Being lonely is different than being alone. Being alone is a choice that we make because we enjoy our own company.
5. If you can be alone, you have inner strength.
You also have self-esteem and self respect.
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Build Your People Skills

How would you like to get along even better with others in your personal relationships and in the workplace? Getting along well with people sounds kind of general and is difficult to do much about, so let's break it down into some manageable and specific skills. By building the following skills, you will get along well with others:
1. Build others' self-esteem.
2. Show empathy for others.
3. Encourage people to cooperate with each other.
4. Communicate assertively.
5. Ask productive questions and demonstrate listening skills.
6. Respond productively to emotional statements.
People skills (which are also known as emotional intelligence) can be thought of as six specific skills. Let's take a brief look at each one.
1. Build others' self-esteem. When you are in a situation where you are made to feel good about yourself, you feel good. You can do the same with others by doing the following kinds of things:
a. Make eye contact with others.
b. Call others by their names.
c. Ask others their opinions.
d. Compliment others' work.
e. Tell people how much you appreciate them.
f. Write notes of thanks when someone does something worthwhile.
g. Make people feel welcome when they come to your home or workplace.
h. Pay attention to what is going on in people's lives. Acknowledge milestones and express concern about difficult life situations such as illness, deaths, and accidents.
i. Introduce your family members to acquaintances when you meet them in public.
j. Encourage your loved ones to explore their talents and interests.
k. Share people's excitement when they accomplish something.
l. Honor people's needs and wants.
m. Take responsibility for your choices and actions, and expect others to do the same.
n. Take responsibility for the quality of your communications.
2. Show empathy for others. Empathy means recognizing emotions in others. It is the capacity to put yourself in another person's shoes and understand how they view their reality and how they feel about things.
Being aware of our emotions and how they affect our actions is a fundamental ability in today's people-intense workplaces. People who are cut off from their emotions are unable to connect with people. It's like they are emotionally tone-deaf.
No one wants to work with such people because they have no idea how they affect others. You have probably met a few people who fit this description.
3. Encourage people to cooperate with each other. Whether you are managing a family or a work group, there are some specific things you can do to create an environment where others work together well:
a. Don't play favorites. Treat everyone the same. Otherwise, some people will not trust you.
b. Don't talk about people behind their backs.
c. Ask for others' ideas. Participation increases commitment.
d. Follow up on suggestions, requests, and comments, even if you are unable to carry out a request.
e. Check for understanding when you make a statement or announcement. Don't assume everyone is with you.
f. Make sure people have clear instructions for tasks to be completed. Ask people to describe what they plan to do.
g. Reinforce cooperative behavior. Don't take it for granted.
4. Communicate assertively. Assertive communication is a constructive way of expressing feelings and opinions. People are not born assertive; their behavior is a combination of learned skills. Assertive behavior enables you to:
a. Act in your own best interests.
b. Stand up for yourself without becoming anxious.
c. Express your honest feelings.
d. Assert your personal rights without denying the rights of others.
Assertive behavior is different from passive or aggressive behavior in that it is:
a. Self-expressive
b. Honest
c. Direct
d. Self-enhancing
e. Constructive, not destructive
Assertive behavior includes both what you say and how you say it.
5. Ask productive questions and demonstrate listening skills. Listening skills help you show that you are hearing and understanding another person and are interested in what he or she has to say.
6. Respond productively to emotional statements. A communication skill called active listening is especially useful in emotional situations because it enables you to demonstrate that you understand what the other person is saying and how he or she is feeling about it. Active listening means restating, in your own words, what the other person has said. It's a check of whether your understanding is correct. This demonstrates that you are listening and that you are interested and concerned.
Active listening responses have two components:
a. Naming the feeling that the other person is conveying
b. Stating the reason for the feeling
Here are some examples of active listening statements:
"Sounds like you're upset about what happened at work."
"You're annoyed by my lateness, aren't you?"
"You sound really stumped about how to solve this problem."
"It makes you angry when you find errors on Joe's paperwork."
"Sounds like you're really worried about Wendy."
"I get the feeling you're awfully busy right now."
Actively listening is not the same as agreement. It is a way of demonstrating that you intend to hear and understand another's point of view.
The ability to get along well with people in your personal relationships and in the workplace is a set of learned skills. No one is born knowing how to build others' self-esteem, show empathy, encourage cooperation, communicate assertively, ask productive questions, or respond productively to emotional statements. These skills can be learned and developed with some practice. By taking the time to develop these skills, you will be able to build better relationships at home and at work.
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Mar 29, 2009

The 7 Mind Games Women Play

You've long suspected it, and we're confirming it right now - your woman is toying with you, testing you, and trying your patience. Your every move is under intense scrutiny in her search for the hidden meaning of your actions.
Are you passing these pop quizzes?

Girl Game #1: The Baiting Game
The classic example is "Does this make me look fat?" but this game can also be disguised as "Is she prettier than I am?" or "Am I the best you've ever had?" She wants your reassurance (you knew that, right?)...but the way she frames the question, it's impossible for you to answer it in a way that will satisfy her. Our advice? Somewhere in your answer, you'd better use the phrase "sexiest woman alive."

Girl Game #2: Your Attention, Please
Even if she doesn't say it, she notices if you remember her sister's layoff or her best friend's pregnancy. She wonders about the hidden meaning of your gifts to her (did you buy her bath salts after she mentioned how much she loves soaking in the tub, or did you pick up another generic gift certificate?). If she's having a bad day, do you stop by to cheer her up, preferably with her favorite ice cream, or do you tell her to feel better and then hit the town with your cronies?

Girl Game #3: What Do You Care?
You were gentleman enough to walk her to her door for your first few months of dating (you did know enough to do that, right?), but now she checks to see that you at least wait until she's safely inside before speeding home to catch Sports Center. She's also keeping tabs on how you treat the waiters, how you treat your mother, and how you talk about your exes.

Girl Game #4: The 'We Need to Talk' Test
It's no coincidence that she springs those four little words on you at the most inconvenient time - during the final play of the big game, right before sex, or whenever else you're otherwise distracted. The topic of the conversation isn't part of the quiz - it's whether or not you show her that she's a priority. Meaning you'd better put down the remote and listen up.

Girl Game #5: Sex as a Bargaining Tool
Your suspicions are correct: She does use sex as a weapon. She withholds it when she's mad, gives it when she's trying to placate you, and promises it in return for other goods and services. Roll with it - hey, taking out the trash isn't so bad if you know you're going to get lucky - but don't let her always use this arrangement. You shouldn't have to pay dues to get her desire.

Girl Game #6: The Cold Shoulder
Uh-oh, she's mad and you're getting the silent treatment and don't know why (again!). Don't bother asking what you did wrong - the fact that you don't know is just going to earn you more punishment. Try to figure it out while she cools off, and then work together to resolve it.

Girl Game #7: The Jezebel Mind Tricks
She's got a whole arsenal of mind games she can play with you, including reverse psychology (when she says the opposite of what she wants in order to get you to do exactly what she wants) and those times when she seems to expect you to be able to read her mind. Pay close attention to her actions - even if she says she's happy to wash those dishes herself, she expects you to help if you hear her banging the pots and pans - and, if all else fails, just ask her what you can do to make her happy.
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Mar 28, 2009

Tips For Stimulating the G Spot!

When it comes to pleasing a woman, who doesn't want to know just where the G Spot is? Well Medically speaking, finding the G Spot is rather like following an anatomy map and then doing a little experimentation. But, there is more to using the G Spot than just finding it. You also need to know how to achieve G Spot Stimulation. You need tips for stimulating the G Spot after you've discovered it.
If you have a relationship that is open when it comes to talking about sex, you should take the time to experiment together to find her G Spot and then learn about G Spot stimulation as a team.
The easiest way to go about this is to have your partner lie down with her knees bent, giving you access to her vagina. Make sure your hand is lubricated, or that she is, and then insert a finger or two inside of her. You will want your palm facing up so you are looking down at the inside of your hand.
The G Spot is right along that front wall, usually 2-3 inches inside the vagina. You should use your fingers to press against the wall of the vagina and move your finger back and forth in a 'come here' motion.
If you are doing this right, you should notice that the area you are stroking is swelling a little bit.
When it comes to G Spot simulation one of the best tips for stimulating the G Spot is to do double duty. This means while your finger or fingers are rubbing along the G Spot on the inside, your thumb should be rubbing on her clitoris on the outside. This is will heighten the effect of the G Spot stimulation you are doing.
It is very possible that after a short time of this type of double stimulation she will orgasm.
If there is one thing to remember with stimulating the G Spot it is that you don't want to be rough. You are dealing with areas that are very highly sensitive. Be gentle. If you do make the mistake of getting too rough with your rubbing techniques, you may start to cause her pain. That will be a definite turn off and will make her not want any sexual activity with you instead of wanting to enjoy a long day or night of sexual play.
Employing these steps identified above will ultimately help you in your quest to please your partner, however there is certainly MUCH more to know.
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Sex Without Intimacy and Intimacy Without Sex

We no longer feel the social pressure to confine sex to committed relationships. In fact, we're free to explore our sexuality with just about anyone we like. Sex is now an accepted recreational activity. What we often don't realize, however, is that even casual, recreational sex still involves intimacy. We may have overcome our fear and shame about sex, but many of us still have issues regarding intimacy. If we experience more intimacy than we can handle, we will feel threatened; our safety checklist will be triggered. No matter how "safe" we make sex, sex may not be safe to us.
When we experience an orgasm, we reveal ourselves more completely and more honestly than at any other time. We let our egos die for a moment, and we have the chance to experience a true connection with another person. Then the ego comes back into the picture, and we're hit with the fear of separation, and all of our old patterns. If we don't have enough trust or enough safety, we will feel threatened, guilty, and generally unsafe. No matter how much society's beliefs about sex have evolved in our lifetime, our core conditioning tells us that there's no such thing as no-strings sex. We still equate sex with love, and love with commitment. And we equate love and commitment with vulnerability, responsibility, and the fear that our needs will not be met.
Sex is very easy to come by in today's society. What most of
us crave, however, is not sex, but intimacy. The challenge is that the only model most of us have for expressing or experiencing intimacy is sex. Intimacy requires trust, and trust takes time. It's very difficult to experience true intimacy through casual sex.
The level of intimacy we experience through sex can be threatening to many of us, particularly if the sex occurs early in the relationship. Safety is essential in the early stages of a relationship--even the smallest safety violation can mark the end of a budding romance. As we get to know our partners over time, we create a foundation of trust and familiarity. We can keep minor safety violations in perspective. This is not the case when we have truly casual sex with someone.
When we become sexual with a person we've just met, even the smallest safety violation will be enough to stop our getting to know each other. One of the challenges is that it's not usually appropriate or possible to have a Relationship Definition Talk with a person we've known less than six hours. There is no real relationship to discuss. While we both may have wanted to pursue a romantic relationship before we had sex, we often find we're less interested the next morning, because we feel unsafe. We experienced too much intimacy too quickly, and we need to create some distance, some space, and to put up some walls so that we can recover. These walls, however, block the emotional and spiritual connections we experienced that made us want to get to know each other in the first place. Since we don't really know our partner, we wonder if there was ever a genuine connection between us. We often end up with the awkward "morning after" where one of us promises to call the other, and neither of us believes the phone will actually ring.
Two popular television shows demonstrate our current approaches to sex without intimacy and intimacy without sex.
SEX WITHOUT INTIMACY: "SEX AND THE CITY"
HBO's television series, "Sex and the City," follows the loves and lives of four single women living in New York City. The show has become a cultural touchstone because it explores sexuality from the woman's point of view in frank, funny, and honest ways. The four main characters are smart, independent, decent, professional, attractive women. They each have a different approach to sex, love and relationships, and between them they cover a broad spectrum of expectations and attitudes towards sex. The main characters have become so much a part of popular culture that many women use them as reference points to describe their own patterns and feelings about sex. So do many gay men.
For those of you not familiar with the series (and even for those of us who are), I'll provide a brief description of each of the main characters to illustrate their attitudes
towards sex.
SAMANTHA
Samantha Jones takes the most stereotypically male approach to sex. She truly enjoys sex, and for the most part, she's content to have a healthy sex life with multiple partners. She has no guilt or shame associated with sex. Sex for Samantha does not require any kind of emotional commitment, nor does it imply any kind of relationship. She enjoys sex for the sake of sex. Samantha is largely self-sufficient, and is able to meet her validation needs through her close friendships. Although Samantha had three significant romantic relationships during the run of the show (including a lesbian relationship), she has never set out to find a relationship.
CARRIE
Carrie Bradshaw has a healthy appreciation for casual sex as well. Carrie, however, is looking for something more than just sex--she is looking for a relationship. While Carrie is less likely than Samantha to simply hook up with an attractive stranger, she doesn't need to feel like she's in a committed relationship before she will have sex. Sex is a part of casual dating for Carrie.
MIRANDA
Miranda Hobbes is more interested in finding a romantic relationship than she admits. For Miranda, sex is more than just sex--it implies some kind of commitment, and requires some kind of emotional connection. The few times Miranda has indulged in strictly casual sex, she's been disappointed. Miranda needs to feel that sex is a part of a relationship--and she has, in the past, used sex as a way to try to initiate a relationship. Once she has sex with someone, she immediately begins to see him as a potential long-term romantic partner.
CHARLOTTE
If Samantha is the most stereotypically masculine in her approach to sex, Charlotte York is the most stereotypically feminine. Although she doesn't like to admit it, Charlotte is uncomfortable with the idea of casual sex. For Charlotte, sex should only be part of a committed relationship. Charlotte sets the most boundaries with respect to her sex life--how far she's willing to go sexually has a direct relation to how strong a commitment she receives from her partner. Of course this did backfire on her--she made her first husband wait until they were married before she would have sex with him, and then discovered that he couldn't.
INTIMACY WITHOUT SEX: "WILL & GRACE"
"Sex and the City" mainly focuses on sex. If we want to find a model for an intimate relationship, we have to look to another popular television show: "Will & Grace." Will Truman and Grace Adler share a tremendous amount of love, trust and intimacy in their relationship. They validate and support each other, and they share the kind of emotional connections that most of us truly crave in our lives. Ironically, the only reason that they manage to do this is that sex can never be a part of their relationship, since Will is gay. Women and gay men have always shared a special bond. In many ways, relationships between women and gay men are the only ones where we can experience true intimacy without involving sex.
But sex and intimacy are still connected. The more intimate we become with someone, the more important it will be that we are able to express that intimacy through sex. Our objective in our romantic relationships is to feel loved. Ultimately, love involves a balance of sex and intimacy. But for many of us, the choice seems to be either having intimacy without sex, or sex without intimacy. We've all but forgotten how to combine the two.
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How Your Senses Affect Your Relationship

A while back, I noticed a few little brown moths in my apartment. I'm against killing any organism unless it's some kind of vermin (roaches, mice and rats are smarter than me, so I am more defenseless than they are). So, I co-existed with the occasional moth that I spotted.One day I realized my sweaters had random holes in them-beyond the holes I created myself with drunken gymnastics in the bars. Finally, my mom shed some light on it:
"You must have moths, because every sweater you wear is full of holes."
Subsequent internet research threw me into even more of a panic. This was an epidemic! I can barely afford a t-shirt, so I did not want to have my sweaters all devoured by these pests!
My friend Margaret and I went to the hardware store and loaded up on cedar and mothballs. Furthermore (once my mom has it in her crawl that I need help, I'm set), my Xmas stocking was filled with mothballs and other moth exterminating devices.
When I treated my closet, I didn't hold back. Going against the instructions, I unloaded the entire stock of mothballs into the closet-it smelled like a mothball quarry.
I recently had to take a bag out of the "quarry" to carry to work. It was not long before everyone in the office stated: "hey I smell mothballs." I suddenly became very self conscious--sure, my sweaters wouldn't have any holes in them, but the cost of driving the moths away: the women were fleeing from the smell too!
Later that evening I went to a work function and checked my bag; the really cute coat check girl (whoI might have hit on if my bag didn't smell like mothballs) did her best to hide her discontent when I warned her of the bag's odious odiferous plight.
Now, I must try to figure out how to keep my sweaters looking good, while balancing the smell of the mothballs. This is like fixing leaks pertaining to the senses of women-once I plug up one hole, another little fountain sprouts up somewhere else.
Guys are visual creatures, but the other senses-while understated-are very important to create a complete experience with someone.
Senses pick up ambience: I once fell asleep with a girl in New England in the Winter and all I heard was the radiator trying to keep the room warm, and the occasional wooden creak, and our breathing. It was strangely romantic.
Body odor and bad breath are killers; but nice smells - like perfume - can remind you of someone or some event. When a girl leaves my place for the last time, my pillow smells like her shampoo-- and I'm torn between sleeping on it to remember her, or washing it immediately so that I can alleviate the pain of her being gone.
In light of my embarrassing mothball problem, I decided to list out how our senses (other than sight) affect us in the dating world.
SoundWhen a girl has a huge impact in my life, she usually gets a song. Every time I hear "Sugar Magnolia" by The Grateful Dead, for example, I'm reminded of a girl I had a huge crush on in middle school.
The 6th SenseGut instinct is correct more often than we think. If I meet a girl and I have a good feeling about it (even though my gut, while I have plenty of it, is often wrong) I will usually pursue her. Or, sometimes things just don't seem right, and it drives me away. Do you, or guys you've dated have any sensory disaster stories?
TouchIt's amazing when someone just knows how to touch you. Gentle touching is an art, and unfortunately few people know how to do it. A good touch has a lot to do with location on the body and timing. Sometimes just breathing near someone can stimulate someone's hearing and tactile senses.
TastePeople have long argued that chocolate and oysters are catalysts for fireworks between people. Eating together can be a very sensual experience, though I sometimes get so into food, I forget about who I'm with.
What senses are important to you when perceiving the opposite gender? Can certain things (like mothballs) turn you off completely if your senses don't react favorably to them?
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Mar 27, 2009

10 Sex Tools Every Woman Needs

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Mar 26, 2009

Feng Shui: Not Just Rearranging Furniture

As part of the popular culture phenomenon the last few decades, the term “feng shui” has been used loosely as an interior design tactic in order to get consumers to spend thousands of dollars to rearrange their lives according to which way their bed faces, where to put a mirror, and how many bamboo plants can survive in the home. In fact, this Western myth has been fueling feng shui—pronounced fuhng shway—in a negative way, causing actual practicing followers to frown in discontent at the way the United States has embraced the yin and yang basics of the art form. However the practice has been interpreted by the west, there are deeper facets to feng shui than meets the eye.
Developed thousands of years ago in China, feng shui is a combination of art and science, a culmination of the energy of the earth and the spiritual pull of the heavens. Literally translated feng shui means “wind water” symbolizing good harvest and good health in the ancient Chinese culture where clean water and a gentle wind are the keys to a prosperous fortune and lucky life. With a diverse wealth of knowledge, this combination of science and art holds the properties to balance any given space. The energy balance that takes place is the information that was most likely pulled to give the west the idea that feng shui is merely a way to arrange your life according to harmonizing colors and calming doorways.
Offering an assurance of positive fortune and long-standing good health for anyone living in feng shui, the opposite would mean that having bad feng shui would mean a harder life with many misfortunes. According to Taoism—the name for a Chinese tent over spirituality and philosophy yet not an exact religion, often characterized by the Taijitu or “yin and yang” symbol—the land is filled with an energy known as Chi. The land’s Chi controls the fate of those inhabiting it, hence, balance is necessary to keep man and the land in direct cooperation with each other.
There are five major elements (usually shown in a clockwise diagram) to feng shui that are addressed throughout the practice: wood, fire, earth, metal, and water. Each of these main aspects need to nurture each other in order to maintain a healthy circular system. As a result, if one of these is not nurtured, it weakens and prevents the circle from being completed.
Wood is usually wrongly associated with wood furniture, but according to the theory of balance depending on these elements, wood is actually symbolized by living plants and carried throughout spaces as the color green. Fire is associated with heat, but as many spaces don’t offer many options for burning candles or the availability of a fireplace, the color red is often used in place of an actual “hot” item. Earth has different capabilities as objects. Earth tones can be used but are not nearly as effective as earthen statues made of clay, terracotta planters or pots, and dirt in general. Metal is the most abundant way to bring your place together in peace. Metal can be shown through any type of metal and is best if it is not sharp and pointed but shiny and round and could be used more as a decorative piece than functional. Water is a symbol of power and is life-giving. Elements of water are best if used in conjunction with metal objects (not earthen ones because earth does not flow into water directly in the chart) like in fountains, fish ponds, or small flowing spouts.
The commonly used form of feng shui is helped by using the elemental tangible objects bringing the connection between people and earth closer together. Some people rely on strategically placed crystals, others induce the calming effect of an aquarium, the design aspect of feng shui works primarily with colors, clocks and water elements in the home or business.
Beyond the elements, there are tools to address analysis, each school of feng shui—there are 8 large branches—uses a different one. Most of these tools are along the same lines as a compass, using levels of magnetism to connect the land to man’s “space.”
As with most natural health practices that draw from spirituality in order to harmonize the mind and body, like yoga and Traditional Chinese Medicine (TCM) among others, feng shui must be taken seriously in order for it to work. Buying a plant for your entryway, a table fountain for your dining room, painting your kitchen red, and keeping a lucky penny on your mantle won’t help to bring you forture or good health unless you invite the Chi into your life through the teachings as well as the actions of feng shui.
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20 Ways to Spice Up Your Next Date Night

Alone time with your guy can be hard to come by, so why not make those precious hours you two share extra exciting? Use these fiery reader tips to spice up your next date night. From a cocktail party for two to the electric kiss, tantalizing tips for making the most of your together time. And when you're ready to take it to the next level, peruse more steamy tips.
1--Let Him Indulge You
"It's not what we do when we go out, it's the ritual we perform when we get home. I peel off my clothes while my man runs a bath. Then he sits on the side of the tub and washes me from head to toe."
2--Dance Your Hearts Out
"To get our adrenaline going just before we go out, I roll up the carpet in the living room, dim the lights, crank the CD player to a mix of our favorite dance tunes and start dancing solo. My husband usually comes rushing in to watch me, and after a song or two he can't help but join in."
3--Sweeten Your Love
"My guy and I both love chocolate. We swear it heightens our senses. To make our date nights special, one of us usually surprises the other by picking up a few expensive treats at the chocolatier (like hazelnut truffles or cinnamon-flavored ganache). Then we feed them to each other. Starting the night with this over-the-top indulgence always helps set the scene for lots more hedonistic fun."
4--Transform Your Living Room
"We turn our living room floor into a romantic space by moving the coffee table off to the side so we have room to lay down layers of soft blankets. We cover the lamps with scarves, light scented candles and incense, and put fresh flowers in the room. We also keep chocolate-covered strawberries, a bottle of our favorite wine and a basket of massage oils nearby. For a few hours our ordinary room is turned into our own sensual play space."
5--Turn Up the Heat in the Theater
"My husband and I felt obliged to check out a neighbor's performance in a production of Les Misérables at our local playhouse. To add some pleasure to the painful performance, we started passing sassy notes back and forth. They were about the wild things we wished we could be doing with each other instead of watching the play. I don't know who was more shocked — and turned on — by the secret sex suggestions, my husband or me."
6--Flirt With Your Feet
"To add a seductive touch to our dinners out, I sometimes slip my shoe off under the dinner table while we are eating. I point my toes and slip them up my sweetie's pant leg, rubbing his calf and continuing with the conversation as if nothing is going on. After that he usually comes up with an excuse to get the check and whisks us home for some privacy."
7--Make Waves
"We always book an all-night sitter whenever there's a full moon. Why? So we can spend the night out in our boat on the river. The water is beautifully lit by the moon, giving us the perfect atmosphere for skinny-dipping."
8--Try a New Kiss
"On our last run-of-the-mill date night (dinner at a local pizza joint), my husband got a little creative by bringing along a book called The Art of Kissing: Book of Questions and Answers. We had a laugh reading about unusual kissing styles (like the 'electric kiss,' which is done by rubbing your feet back and forth on a carpet before you touch lips) over dinner, and then had a sexy night trying them out once we got back home."
9--Turn Your Home Into a Spa
"We have a standing appointment with a masseuse from our gym every Friday night at eight in our home. She meets us for personal massages in our living room, where we take turns choosing soothing music to play in the background and talking about the upcoming weekend. The relaxing pressure of the massage helps put us back in touch with our bodies: the ultimate preparation for the late-night private time in the bedroom that is always sure to follow."
10--Sketch Each Other
"My husband keeps a sketchbook (left over from an art class he took in college) in our night table. Neither one of us is a great artist, but that never stops us from taking turns practicing our drawing while the other acts as a private model — in the nude."
11--Add a European Flair
"The date we think is the most romantic: dinner at a French bistro, where we order fondue. Between the waitstaff's European accents and all the finger licking and hand-feeding (which seems par for the course during this unique meal), we always end up having a sultry good time."
12--Relive Your First Date
"A local hangout occasionally books a cover band my husband and I loved when we were first dating. Whenever one of us spots the listing in the paper, we make sure to plan a date and get there early enough to request a live version of 'our' song. Dancing to it together always brings us right back to when we first met."
13--Share an Aphrodisiac
"Our hottest date: dinner at a raw bar downtown. We order oysters on the half shell as an aphrodisiac and a bottle of champagne for elegance."
14--Read Over His Shoulder
"We center a few stay-at-home dates around checking out the latest sex-advice book. Two faves: The Multi-Orgasmic Couple and The Good Vibrations Guide to Sex. Keeping this part of our life in tip-top shape takes just as much tending as raising our kids does — plus we have a huge amount of fun doing it. Who doesn't want an excuse to spend a few hours in bed with their husband, studying up on 'passionate' topics?"
15--Slip Into Something Seductive
"The main stars of our sexiest nights out: my red backless cocktail dress and a pair of strappy stilettos that he simply can't resist."
16--Send an Electronic Spark
"I get my husband all pumped up for our date early in the week by sending him an electronic invite via sendomatic.com. Aside from giving him the time and location, I am sure to drop plenty of hints about the after-party in the bedroom: The anticipation really makes an ordinary night out much more alluring."
17--Throw in the Towel
"We hold 'his' or 'hers' nights (which are set in motion when one of us lays out one of the cheesy monogrammed towels we were given as a wedding gift). If my husband lays out the 'hers' towel, for instance, he's in charge of planning a night that revolves entirely around me: from my favorite restaurant and entertainment (a game of pool) to what I love in bed! It's how we indulge our love for each other."
18--Act Like a Teenager
"We create our own version of a drive-in by hitting our favorite local fast-food joint, where we order burgers, fries, and milk shakes. Then the two of us take a ride to the most scenic site in our area, park the car, and chow down on our dinner in the front seat. For dessert: some good old-fashioned necking in the back seat till we can't stand it anymore."
19--Shaken or Stirred?
"We hold a private cocktail party! I usually choose a recipe from my favorite bartending book, Paradise on Ice. I pick up whatever ingredients I need on the way home (say, some exotic fruits, like lychee, for a Bali Highball or fresh spearmint leaves for a classic mojito). Then I leave the cocktail shaker and strainer on the kitchen counter — along with an invitation for my husband to find when he comes home from work telling him to meet me in the backyard for drinks."
20--A Private Spa Party
"I ordered a Lover's Spa Kit and surprised my guy by suggesting we spend our Saturday date night in the bathroom. Coconut-passion-fruit massage oil, a bubble bath, candles and a special loofah sponge were enough to keep us enchanted with each other for hours."
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Do You Need a Marriage Checkup?

You have an annual doctor exam to make sure your physical health is in order, but what about your marital health?Enter the Marriage Checkup Project, a program at Clark University that takes the pulse of a couple's bond. "Like a cavity that has a long developmental period, marital distress doesn't come out of nowhere," says James V. Cordova, Ph.D., program director and author of The Marriage Checkup. "The marriage checkup allows couples to catch marital cavities early on and take care of them." To conduct a marital checkup at home, Cordova recommends asking yourselves these questions:

Are we curious about each other — and do we express it?"No matter how long you've been together, you don't ever totally know your partner. Recognizing that wakes a couple up to the opportunity to reconnect," says Cordova. "Let yourself embrace your partner's mystery. Then you'll start paying attention and asking questions." The areas to explore are endless: What makes your partner happy? What values does he hold most dear? "Even asking him, 'What did you do today?' is powerfully enhancing to intimacy," says Cordova.

Do we each understand when the other needs advice versus simply needing support?"This is a frequent area of miscommunication between couples," says Cordova. "When one partner vents the day's frustrations, the other will often suggest solutions, but usually the first partner just wants empathy. It's hard to fault your partner for trying to help, but it doesn't always feel good — you want support, not the feeling that someone is taking away your power to solve problems." Next time you catch yourself slipping into problem-solving mode, practice active listening instead: Try to empathize with what your partner is saying and express understanding of what he's going through.

How's the sex?"There's a strong relationship between a couple's sexual health and the overall relationship health, so couples need to take deliberate care of their sex life," says Cordova. "Rather than letting sex become another 'when we get around to it' issue, you and your partner should carve out the time for sex and encourage each other to truly 'show up' for the experience." To "show up," Cordova suggests focusing on communication: Establish eye contact and let each other know what feels good. Even when you're feeling distant, these moves help you tap into your intimate connection.
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10 New Sex Positions to Try

When couples think about experimenting with new sex positions, it's easy to, well, worry a little. Maybe you're wondering, Can I really hoist my leg up there? What if he throws his back out? Is all the potential pain and suffering worth contorting into some pretzelesque pose? Never fear, trying new poses is hardly as difficult or death-defying as it's often cracked up to be. Most times, all it takes is the smallest twists to your favorites to deliver a bigger bang for your buck. As proof, check out these options.

Enjoy missionary the most? Then try these new twists...
1,The Golden Gate
Raise your legs and drape them over his shoulders so your knees or calves are on either side of his head (don't worry, it's not as hard as it sounds). Or bend your knees and place your feet flat against his chest. Thrusting is effortless for him in this position, so prepare for a wild ride!
2,The One-Lane Highway
Once he's inside you, squeeze your legs together so his thighs are straddling yours. The snugger fit will make your vagina feel tighter, his penis feel bigger, and create a whole lot of friction you'll both enjoy.
3,The One-Legged Stork
Raise just one leg so it rests on his torso while keeping the other flat on the bed. This position has two things going for it: easy thrusting, plus now there's room for you (or him) to reach down and manually stimulate your clitoris for added kicks.
4,The Crazy CAT
In truth, the missionary position doesn't always give women enough clitoral contact to reach her peak — but leave it to a sexual researcher (Edward Eichel) to change that by inventing the Coital Alignment Technique (CAT). To do it, have your guy slide his torso up a few inches so he rocks, rather than thrusts, into you, keeping his pubic bone connected to yours at all times. The added clitoral stimulation is scientifically proven to up your enjoyment level.

Prefer to hop on top? Then try these new twists...
5,The Amazing Arc
Slide your legs down so they're straddling his thighs rather than his torso. Arch your back so you're nearly perpendicular to the bed. The arc shape of your body will put maximum pressure on your clitoral area, which may send you overboard in no time.
6,The Reverse Cowgirl
In this position, you spin so you're facing his feet, then go at it with your torso perpendicular to the bed (or you can lean back against his chest). This, of course, gives him a great view of your derriere — and the new angle of him inside you can create a whole host of sweet new sensations.

Like it best from behind? Then try this new twist...
7,The Crouching Tiger
Being on all fours while your partner takes you from behind is already erotically animalistic, but you can make it even more sexually charged by lowering your chest to the bed. This angle elongates and tightens your vagina, resulting in an even more snug, more tantalizing fit.

Find sideways sex most satisfying? Then try these new twists...
8,The Swinging BishopWhen you're in the spooning position with your back to his, lift your top leg and have him hold it, or drape your leg over his. This allows for even deeper penetration — and gives you both great access to your clitoris if you've craving extra encouragement.
9,The Kissing GoldfishYou don't have to spoon to make sideways sex work. Believe it or not, it is possible to have sex sideways while facing each other — just lift your leg so he can scoot in there. Movement will be limited to grinding rather than thrusting, but these more subtle movements can be highly stimulating, especially since his every hip wiggle will be hitting your clitoris front and center. Plus (attention romance junkies) since you're facing each other, you can kiss and gaze into each other's eyes.

Up for even more of a challenge? Give this sex position a try...
10,The Leaning Tower of Pisa
Less delicate folks might call this the Pile Driver, and while we've tried to attach a gentler eponym, this move is definitely not for the faint of heart. Your guy kneels, grabs your legs and hoists them up onto his shoulders, then enters you while you're practically doing a headstand below. A neck ache may ensue over time, but while it lasts, it's definitely impressive and will give the guy an "I'm king of the world!" rush. Meanwhile, you'll get to experience your own rush — of blood to your head, for starters, but also of getting manhandled in the most satisfying way.
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Are You Guilty of These 8 Sex Mistakes?

No one enters into a relationship thinking, A few years from now, we will have sex only as frequently as a total lunar eclipse. And it will be nowhere near as spectacular. Yet for a variety of reasons, on any given night, watching Keith Olbermann may feel more compelling than tearing each other's clothes off. Which is why you just might want to consider kicking Keith — and your television — out of your bedroom (more on that later). Sure, everyone's sex life waxes and wanes, says Terry Real, a family therapist in Boston and the author of The New Rules of Marriage, but a steep and permanent decline is not inevitable. And arresting that slide can be as simple as undoing some all-too-common sex don'ts. Check out these please-don't-go-there sex killers and see which ones (be honest!) could be cooling your jets.

Sex Don't 1: Peeing in front of your guy. You've never felt so comfortable with any man in your life. Fabulous. But just because you can leave the bathroom door open or bleach your arm hair in his presence doesn't mean you should. "Of course there are couples who fart in front of each other, and for them, it works," Real says. "Still, it's a good idea to be thoughtful and not too sloppy. Sloppy is domestic, like brother and sister. It's intimate, but it's not a turn-on." That means you should see a dermatologist about that cyst on your back instead of asking your partner to drain it, and if he begs you to come check out his massive achievement in the toilet (tempting though it no doubt is), refrain. It couldn't hurt to rethink that flannel granny nightie either, at least on the nights you hope to get lucky. "Dressing in a way that makes you feel unsexy means that your whole world is going to feel like that," says Barbara Keesling, Ph.D., author of The Good Girls Guide to Bad Girl Sex. In other words, when you're not feeling sexy, you throw on anything to go to bed, which makes you feel even less sexy. It ultimately becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy of unsexiness.

Sex Don't 2: Making your bed a zoo of stuffed animals. If Boo-boo and Lambie-poo hold the place of honor on your pillow, what you're saying is that the bed is for cuddling, not for passion. And a boudoir that's too frilly and fussy may not inspire either of you to action. "It says, 'I'm immature, a little girl, and therefore not sexual,'" says Keesling. You don't need to go floor-to-ceiling cheetah-print velvet, but something that says "meow" in the master suite is a must — whatever makes the space feel sensual to both of you. For starters, you'll need a bed that makes him want to toss you onto it. "You want to create an atmosphere of lovemaking that serves the two of you," adds Lana Holstein, M.D., founder of Intimate Growth Partners in Tucson. That's not to say the room can't have a somewhat feminine feel — it's an important refuge for you, after all — but it needs to feel grown-up and sexy to him too. (Hint: A little drawer filled with toys of the nonplush variety may be all it takes!)

Sex Don't 3: Leaving the TV on.Cuddling up, just you, him, and Mr. TiVo: What could be wrong with that? Nothing — it's just not particularly conducive to sex. Watching TV together is a side-by-side activity, not a face-to-face activity — you're more emotionally in tune with that hot plumber on Desperate Housewives than you are with the guy in bed next to you. In fact, an Italian study found that couples who have a TV in the bedroom have sex half as often as those who don't. "That energy of bringing the outside world into your intimate space diverts you from the sense of intimacy with your partner," says Holstein. "Our sex lives are held hostage by everything else in our lives — work, kids — so that intimacy is something you have to be consciously protective of." If you can't get the television out of the bedroom, she says, "At least put a scarf over it so you forget it's there."

Sex Don't 4: Using sex to get material goods, your way...or anything except sex. Many women have sex to get their guy in a good mood before they break the news that they just spent a fortune on a new handbag, or withhold sex until he agrees to buy them a new dishwasher or whatever. But this is a bad habit to get into, says Keesling. "When sex is doled out solely at your discretion, it creates a power imbalance in your relationship that can lead to all kinds of resentments." Plus, when you're acting as sex gatekeeper, you're probably too focused on your guy's punishment or reward to have a great time yourself. "Sex is about both of you having pleasure," Keesling says, "not just about your servicing him."
Most of us, of course, would never explicitly or deliberately say, "No nooky until you bundle the recycling." But sometimes it happens inadvertently: You get annoyed that your man hasn't taken out the trash — again! — and, as a result, you're not in the mood. If this pattern repeats often enough, in effect, you're withholding sex, either to get him to do some task or to punish him for not doing it. Of course, it's a lot easier to feel desire for a man who pulls his weight around the house, but still, "it's wrong to punish someone by withholding anything, whether it's a kind word, sex, or any kind of cherishing or nurturing," Real says. Instead, leave your baggage by the bedroom door, suggests Holstein. She advises literally putting a pad of paper by your bedroom door to jot down issues to be discussed later, so they don't pollute your lovemaking. "You want to be able to connect with your partner in a loving way, which will make your relationship even stronger," says Holstein. Besides, after some really good sex, you might not even remember that he forgot to put out the recycling.

Sex Don't 5: Faking it.He spent the better part of an hour getting a kink in his neck and...nada. You're tired. You're stressed. It's really not his fault, and it's tempting to squeak out a faux O. Don't. First off, faking is dishonest. What's worse, "It puts more space between you and your partner," Real says. And if you're faking your orgasm to protect your guy's ego, you're not only not having orgasms, but you're also doing extra work to make him think you are. "You've decided he's going to feel bad about the situation, so you have to soothe his ego before he even feels bad about it," Holstein explains. "It's a morass — you're doing his emotional work for him, and that's not your role in a partnership." At the very least, worrying about your guy's feelings at the expense of your own is definitely not a turn-on.
The ideal, of course, is to do what it takes to satisfy yourself. (A hands-on approach gives you what you need — ahh! — and gives him a tutorial he will thoroughly enjoy watching.) But for those times when it's just not happening, "it's better to say, 'Hey, I'm fine,' if you don't feel like working to have an orgasm," Real says. And if you wish you could have one, talk to him about why you think you're not — perhaps you're too tense or distracted, for instance. If you never climax, by all means, figure out the problem and deal with it. But faking gets you (and him) nowhere fast.

Sex Don't 6: Discussing your past lovers.Being honest in bed doesn't have to mean full disclosure. Even if your only purpose in mentioning other men is to prove how no one you've ever been with compares with the guy who's sharing your bed now, it's still wiser to leave your exes out of the conversation. Otherwise, your man is going to picture Daniel Craig tossing you on the bed and pleasing you in ways that he's never imagined. "Guys get insecure," Real says. "It's not so much that he's going to think you're a slut, but he's going to worry, Do I measure up?" And really, your guy prefers to believe (proof or no proof) that he's The Best Sex every woman he's ever been with — you, especially — has ever had. You don't have to be a Ph.D. in math to calculate that there's no way every guy could be The Best Sex every woman has ever had. You may have had one or two or 20 memorable moments before he came along, but keep mum about them: It doesn't hurt anyone and lets your man maintain his little rock-star illusion, which helps him stay confident. And sex with a confident man is usually a lot more fun than sex with one who is obsessing about how he stacks up against your ex. Keep your focus on him, and he'll keep his focus on you — and your important body parts.
If you do want him to try something that a past lover did, says Holstein, "say, 'I really like having this touched,' rather than 'I used to do this with so-and-so and really liked it.' We're all sensitive in that area — we like to be special, not just another person on a list."

Sex Don't 7: Being an alpha mom (but a zeta wife).You don't love your husband any less now that the baby is here — in fact, you may love him even more. But you wouldn't be the first mom to get so overwhelmed by the emotions involved in taking care of your baby that you've exhausted your nurturing quota at the end of the day. After being snuggled and drooled on all day long, you just don't feel like snuggling or being drooled on by anyone. Totally understandable, but that often means you start saying "no" to sex more often — perhaps so often that he stops asking. And that's not good for either of you.
To help your sex life survive the preschool years, keep in mind that while you don't have a finite amount of love to give, says Real, you do have a finite amount of energy. That's why it's important to make sure there's something left for you at the end of the day. If there is, you'll be far more likely to want to share that with your guy. "You need a break in the day when you go have a bath, read in the tub, have some alone time so you can recover your own connection with your body before you can expect yourself to go to him," Holstein says.
If setting aside this pre-sex prep time starts to feel like yet another task to accomplish when you're already overloaded, consider this: It's not all for him; it's about taking care of your own needs. "Don't frame it in terms of maintaining his satisfaction," Real says. "Frame it as: You're working to have a normal sex life, for you as much as for him." When you're giving of yourself all day long, sex with someone who is focused on your pleasure is a delicious way of recharging and feeling less mama bear and more hot mama.

Sex Don't 8: Treating him like a girlfriend. Think back to the last time you dragged your man shoe shopping and made him hold your coat and purse and "be honest" about a pair of pumps you were on the fence about. When you got home, did you want to tear his clothes off? Didn't think so. Just because you enjoy doing stuff like that with your friends and he's your best friend, it doesn't necessarily follow that he's the best person to do those things with. "You don't want to make your guy the only intimate avenue in your life," Holstein says. "You always want to have outlets with friends so you don't lose the sense of, This is my man."

Your sex life aside, the best reason not to expect your guy to be like your girlfriend is that he won't do a very good job of it. Not only will he glaze over like a doughnut when it comes to topics and details that your girlfriends eat up — "She was at the mall with who?" — but he's also not as naturally attuned to your need for empathy as they are. When he doesn't come up with an understanding response to your anecdote about how your annoying coworker interrupted you during that meeting, it'll be frustrating for both of you, and it certainly won't make you feel closer to him. If you can get some of your emotional connection from your female friends instead of relying on your guy for all of it, says Holstein, you may appreciate even more his ability to provide what only he can: his body, and its ability to make your body feel pretty darn good.
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Mar 25, 2009

8 Signs Your Partner is a Sociopath

A person involved with a sociopath (also termed psychopath) is in for a bewildering, painful experience. While sociopaths are often thought of as serial killers or other criminal elements, there is a large segment of individuals that may exhibits sociopathic tendencies, but cause their harm on a subcriminal, less violent or extreme scale.

However, the basic mental wiring of a sociopath is the same whether crimes are committed or not, and this will lead to confusing, hurtful, and destructive behavior damaging to personal relationships. While only a mental health professional can diagnose a sociopath, here are 8 signs characteristic of sociopaths:

1. Lack of remorse or guilt. Sociopaths do not feel the same conscience restraints that the rest of us have. Even if they feign remorse, it is not from a true emotional source, but a calculated effort designed to manipulate your emotional reactions.

2. Failure to conform to social norms. Sociopaths feel that the regular laws of society, morality, etc, do not apply to them. This can lead to criminal behavior, or at very least unethical activities.

3. Compulsive lying and manipulation. Your partner may continuously lie, sometimes without apparent rhyme or reason. Generally, however, the lies are used to manipulate others into serving their need.

4. Glib superficiality and shallow emotional affect. The sociopath may be quite charming and charismatic, but there may be a hollow sense to it and a feeling that there is a lack of true depth and emotional connection.

5. Poor impulse control and a need for instant gratification. This coupled with frequent boredom often leads to risky and destructive behaviors such as addiction, and sexual promiscuity.

6. Aggressive behavior. Many sociopaths can become violent, though not all sociopaths use physical violence to achieve their ends.

7. Consistent lack of responsibility. Sociopaths may not hold down a job and instead choose to live a parasitic lifestyle, living by manipulating others. They are less likely to honor commitments, pay bills on time, or stay faithful in marriage.

8. A sense of exaggerated or extreme self-worth. The sociopath often believes he or she is a superior human being, and entitled to special treatment, or to take advantage of the "weak."
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Top 10: Subtle Ways To Tell Her She's Getting Fat

As every man knows, there are some things you just can’t come right out and say to your girlfriend. For obvious reasons, “You’ve put on weight, and I find you less attractive” is one of them. Even if it does have the desired effect and she goes on to drop a few pounds, she’ll never forgive you for pointing it out so bluntly and making her feel like sh*t in the process. For that reason, you need to consider some alternative methods of letting her know that you’re displeased with her recent weight gain. Here are the top 10 subtle ways to tell her she's getting fat -- plain and simple.

1. Buy her clothes that are too small
If you buy her clothes that are obviously too small for her, not only will she finally have to admit that she’s putting on weight, but she can easily return them for her correct size. First, she’ll have to reveal to you that the clothes are too small. “Oh,” you might say, “I thought you were a size 8. Isn’t that what you were last summer?” The onus is now on her to do something about it.

2. Sign her up for yoga under the pretence of "stress relief"
This works particularly well if your girlfriend still hasn’t worked out the link between an active lifestyle and emotional well-being. Tell her you have found exactly what she needs to help her relax, a regular spiritual cleanse in the form of a yoga class. Make sure you choose an intense, calorie-burning form (power yoga or ashtanga yoga), otherwise she may end up rolling around on the floor a couple times a week with no real benefits. The beauty of yoga is that if you dress it up as a way to relieve stress, she may not realize that she’s being tricked into shedding a few pounds, and even if she does, you’ll end up with a happier, more self-confident girlfriend rather than a grumpy lard-ass.

3.Set out on your own weight loss plan
Here’s an interesting experiment for you using reverse psychology. A subtle way to tell her she's getting fat is to tell her you’re not happy with your own level of fitness and she may begin to open her eyes to the wider picture. By referencing yourself in any plans to lose weight, you’re also subtly telling her that you’re not the only one who might benefit from a diet. And even if she does see through your ploy, she’ll at least appreciate the tact you have shown and will hopefully take the message on board.

4. Serve her unsatisfactory portions
When dishing up meals for the two of you, try giving her smaller-than-usual amounts. By making her ask for more food, you might succeed in shaming her into an acknowledgment of her recent weight gain, and hopefully to instigate a conversation about what she’s going to do about it. If you feel as though you’re starving yourself in the process, remember you can always go back for more when she’s not looking.

5.Improve your own diet
It’s very easy for the two of you to fall into the downward spiral in which many couples begin to replace sexual intimacy with ice cream and cake. Don’t let this happen by focusing on your own health requirements and staking your right to a junk-food-free home. It might even be the only way of separating her from the fatty foods which have led to the current problem.

6.Playfully grab her love handles
Ask any man and he’ll tell you that he instinctively flexes his biceps whenever a woman touches them. The same thing goes for a woman when you make contact with any unwanted flab: She recoils and feels embarrassment. Use this reaction to your advantage. Even if she thinks that you’re too busy at work to have noticed a few extra pounds, if you continually rest your hand on her love handles (or even lightly pinch them), she’ll soon realize that you’re becoming increasingly aware of something that never used to be there before.

7. Ask her to wear an old dress
Plan a romantic night out for the two of you and insist that she wears something from when you first got together; particularly something that you know doesn’t fit her anymore. This way she’ll have to admit to you that she’s put on too much weight and can no longer get into many of her old clothes. Follow it up by telling her how good she looked in those days, and maybe she’ll make it her mission to get back to that size.

8.Sabotage her chair
Sometimes as men we have to get downright nefarious to get what we want. You might not be proud of stooping to this level, but nothing says “better lose some weight” like a broken chair. After you loosen a few screws or remove some important slats of a chair in which you know she’ll sit and subsequently break, sit back and watch the guaranteed dietary transformation that ensues. It will profoundly amaze you.

9. Leave "now" and "then" photos lying around
This is a highly effective way to draw attention to the explicit changes to her body as you see them. By consistently reminding her of how she used to look, she’ll inevitably be more inclined to do something about her excess flab. Appropriately chosen and strategically placed photos should accomplish this quite nicely. Keep in mind, if she confronts you about trying to shame her into losing weight, the key approach here is denial, as you reply: “Do you actually think I would be that manipulative?” Of course you would, but she doesn’t need to know that.

10.Take her to places where she has to wear a swimsuit
If she seems content staying at home eating donuts in her track pants, why not start taking her to places where she has no choice but to where a swimsuit? As she awkwardly looks around at all the slender bodies having a great time, she’ll more than likely vow to do something about her recent weight gain, especially if she knows she’ll be back there in the not-so-distant future.
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Top 10 Relationship Killers

As if getting through the early stages of dating without blowing it isn't enough, things don't get any easier from there on. A million things can still collide with an otherwise solid relationship and leave a couple wrenched in two.
Of course, many of these problems can be worked through, but deciding to deal with any relationship killers requires careful thought as to whether the relationship is worth the trouble or not. Sometimes, despite all the hard work getting there, it's best to just cut your losses and move on.
No one can list all the potential things that can screw up the course of true love, but we can give you a heads up on the most likely causes of coupledom death with these top 10 relationship killers.

1-- Friends and family
A massive part of your life is made up of your friends and family and, like it or not, the same goes for her. So, not getting along with the other people who share your partner's life can push any relationship to its breaking point. It’s impossible to love everyone she knows, but maintaining “friendly” relationships with the closest people in her life (like her sister and best friend) is important in keeping your own relationship afloat.
The long-running disagreement over politics with her father that has turned serious, the fact that you and her best friend can't be in the same room... at some point, she’ll have to choose, and there’s no guarantee she’ll side with you.

2-- Life stresses
Often, being part of a couple can put you in a “bubble” that closes you off from the rest of the world, giving you an us-against-them mentality. However, when the real world comes crashing into your little bubble, things can go really wrong. Issues like money problems, children from previous relationships, and issues carried over from past relationships, are possible relationship killers that might place strain on you. Even little domestic issues (one person refusing to clean or cook) can chip away at your coupledom.

3-- Persistent suitors
A couple is, by definition, made up of two people. Throw a third person into the mix and things will start to go wrong. If someone else if trying to get with you or your other half, distrust and suspicion can breed quite easily and can be a serious relationship killer. The effect of this is increased if the “other person” is a lingering ex. If the issue should arise, deal with it as quickly as possible. If you're the one with the admirer, simply tell her you're not interested; being friendly with her could give her hope and permission to stick around longer and toy with your current relationship.

4-- Annoying habits
We already know you can't like everyone all the time. Well, sometimes this counts for your partner too. Everything about her might be great, but if she has a few annoying habits, be careful. Stupid and trivial as these annoying habits might be -- like talking in her sleep, leaving the cap off the toothpaste and wearing too much makeup -- they can be relationship killers and wreck a couple.
Over time, these habits become magnified until you're angry with her more often than not, and you've talked yourself out of a relationship.

5-- High comfort levels
After being together for a while, couples tend to grow comfortable with each other -- way too comfortable. They become more like friends than lovers as intimacy becomes way too familiar and routine, and they start to let things slide. Sex falls off the agenda and, before they know it, they've become the person stopping the other one from dating someone else.

6-- Different goals
Over time, if a couple isn't careful, they might begin to drift apart. This could be due to a lack of communication as other things, such as careers, become more important, or it could be a symptom of a relationship that just isn't working.
If both people are chasing separate goals, such as one wanting to put down roots where they are and the other going after a promotion which could involve relocating, clearly their future is in jeopardy. When this situation is left unchecked, someone is eventually going to have to choose between their ambitions and their significant other.

7-- The past
People who live in the past find it impossible to move forward. If one of you insists on comparing your new relationship to previous ones, the future doesn't look good. While learning from past mistakes is a good thing, treating them as a blueprint for every other relationship is not. What you have now is different to anything you've had before, so let it grow free from past screw-ups.
Likewise, dragging the past of this relationship into the present is also damaging. So what if one of you messed up in the first few weeks? There's no point mentioning it in every single argument. If a couple decides to move on from a problem, they move on and focus on the future; the past should always be left in the past.

8-- Moving too fast
Healthy relationships progress naturally. While not always at the same speed, they tend to move on as both people become more and more comfortable with each other. It's an unspoken, instinctive thing. However, some people seem to lack this instinct and rush to make a blossoming relationship into something it's not ready to be.
No one likes to be rushed. A couple that sees one partner constantly pushing the other to commit before they're ready is a couple that won't last long. Especially dangerous is the M-bomb. Once one person is chasing a wedding the other isn't ready for, an otherwise successful relationship is usually over.

9-- Dependence/independence
Maintaining the right balance between dependence and independence is tricky. Too much of one and people feel smothered. If a couple gets to the point where they have nothing in their life apart from each other, they need to back away a little. Otherwise, one partner will feel the need for space and resent the other for taking their freedom away.
Conversely, if too much independence is asserted, the other person starts to feel lonely. If one partner has an all-absorbing job or interest with nothing but the minimum of time for their partner, things are equally bad. While space and time apart from each other is needed, too much is as bad as smothering -- both end with someone looking elsewhere.

10-- Cheating
Cheating is the ultimate relationship killer, and one that the majority of couples won't survive. The initial betrayal of finding out that a partner has cheated is often enough to leave a couple stone-cold dead while the bed sheets are still warm.
And even if a couple does try to work past the cheating, the future doesn't look good for them. By now, all the trust in the relationship has been blown. No matter how much anyone promises there will be no other indiscretions, both people will expect the other to one day fall into bed with someone else.
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How Young is Too Young for Marriage?

In the United States, most states require a couple to be 18 years old to marry without parental consent. But can teens be mature enough for marriage?

According to a 2006 Gallup poll, Americans generally believe 25 to be the ideal marriage age for women, with 27 the preferred age for men. In 1946, however, Gallup found that 50% of Americans felt a woman should be married by 21.
Clearly, modern-day approach to marriage has changed. As marriage became less about procreation and more about love and companionship, the ideal marriage age has moved away from an emphasis on sexual maturity and towards an emphasis on emotional or mental maturity.
Yet for thousands of teens every year, the question remains: "Am I too young to get married?"

Changes and Life Experience
According to a November 9, 2009 article in USA Today, people who marry in their teens (16-19) are two to three time more likely to divorce. Some studies suggest that this is because older couples tend to be more realistic and mature about marriage, and because teenagers often experience personality changes as they move into adulthood.
Young adults go through a lot of changes when they leave high school – they make new friends, they have entirely new experiences in college or at their jobs, they find new interests and discard old ones. Such changes in a person’s personal goals or life outlook can also change their feelings about marriage or the person they think they love.
Even if a high school couple stays together after graduation and does not separate for college or job purposes, they can still experience a plethora of emotional changes that could make it difficult to relate to one another.

Mature Attitudes towards Marriage
Older couples may also be better at marriage because they’re more prepared for the reality of married life. Many younger people have romantic notions about weddings, and don’t think further than the poufy white dress and the steamy wedding night. Even more mature teenage couples often assume that the difficult part of marriage will be the “toilet seat” types of problems – little habits that can get on the other person’s nerves, like forgetting to put down the toilet seat or squeezing the tube of toothpaste from the middle instead of the end.
In reality, though, those annoying habits are easy for couples in love to deal with – it’s the way the other person will change that can be hard to understand. “You have to learn each other the same way that you once learned earth science or world geography,” wrote Ylonda Gault in a Dec. 22, 2008 article for Redbook. “And getting married doesn't mean you're done – it just means you've advanced to graduate-level studies. That's because every time you think you've mastered the material, he'll change a bit. And so will you.”
Mature couples understand this, and maturity often comes from life experience, which is difficult to attain in your late teens.

Long Engagements Don’t Hurt
If you’re a teen who wonders whether or not he or she is ready for marriage, consider this advice: a long engagement never hurt anyone.
Even if you think you’re in love or you feel more mature than others your age, it never hurts to wait awhile to get married. Think of it as a test: if your love is real and can sustain a lifetime commitment, then it won’t matter whether or not you’re married – you’ll be together. If your relationship really is ready for marriage, then it won’t be any less ready in five years, will it? And if you break up before then – well, then it’ll be a good thing to have waited.
If you’re still set on marriage, have a long engagement – wait until you’ve reached your twenties to make any definitive wedding plans. If you like, you can wear an engagement ring, or even a “promise ring,” a sort of pre-engagement ring that signals that you’re waiting for each other to be truly ready for such a commitment.

And before you make ANY plans at all, talk to your parents, guardians, or other trusted family members first. It’s important to have as much support as you can from the people who probably know you best.
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How to touch your way into the bedroom

Convincing a woman to sleep with you can be a daunting task. You might be in the mood 24/7, but getting her there at the same time can sometimes be a challenge. Sometimes women need to be eased into it, and despite the extra effort you’ll have to make, the process can be fun. Touch can be both a subtle indication of desire and an obvious sign that you’re ready to get busy. A gradually increasing level of touch will help you end up at your desired destination: the bedroom.
So, here's how to touch you way into the bedroom.

Be touchy-feely
Your first step in touching your way to the bedroom is a series of innocent, seemingly accidental touches; brush up against her as you walk through a crowd; put your hand on her leg while you’re talking to emphasize a point; push her hair out of her eyes gently. There should be nothing lecherous about this first stage. Your touch should be interpreted as sweet and gentlemanly.

Pull her into you
As you earn gentleman brownie points and gain her trust, you can move on to a type of touch that implies greater intimacy. Touch your way into the bedroom by putting your arm around her or resting your hand on the small of her back. If she leans into your body without any self-consciousness, you’ve got a green light for the next level of touch.

Dance with her
In order to maximize this type of touch, it’s imperative that you know how to dance. If you’re hopeless in the rhythm department and look like a flailing octopus on the dance floor, this one isn’t going to work for you. Don’t be deluded about it; ask your friends for an honest, forthright opinion on your dancing skills. If they advise you not to go there, skip this idea and move on to the next step to touch your way into the bedroom.
However, if your moves are even halfway decent, taking your girl out for a night of dancing is a foolproof way to get her into bed once you get home. Dancing can be very sensual and women are often aroused by it.
While you’re on the dance floor, put your arms around her or rest your hands on her hips. Feel free to get close, but remember to avoid crossing that line between sensual and sexual. Humping on the dance floor is not cool. Save that for a more private situation later on. Any groping of private parts in public is a no-no, but on the dance floor it’s easy to become more physical with your touch.

Massage her
Giving her a massage is possibly the easiest, most reliable way to touch your way to the bedroom. Even a neck massage or a foot rub can work, but if you want the never-fail version, go with a full-body massage using warm oil. No woman can resist this kind of pampering. Feeling the touch of your hands all over her body will probably make her ready for more. In fact, you can seamlessly transition from the massage to the sex if you play your cards right. This means that the massage portion must last long enough for her to be fully relaxed and very grateful. You can’t just give her shoulders a few squeezes and then jump right in to the sex. However, when she’s already on a comfortable surface (ideally your bed), in a state of undress and her whole body is being stimulated by your touch, it shouldn’t be difficult to get her in the mood with touching.

teaching touch
Too many men are rough or clumsy when it comes to touching women. For the record, the best and most memorable lovers are the ones who have mastered the art of sensual touch. The effort you put into learning the right kind of touch for every situation will be worth it.
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Mar 23, 2009

Is internet sex chat actually a form of cheating?

It's an Internet relationship! Can it even be called cheating on your spouse if no physical contact is involved? The answer is yes.

Although online relationships might seem harmless, they can be considered a form of cheating and may cause serious damage to real life relationships.The definition of cheating has always been debated. Some people argue that in order to cheat, a physical relationship must occur. Others argue that emotional cheating can occur without a physical relationship. Now that internet chat rooms and dating services are so common, the definition of cheating is debated more than ever before. As the popularity of the Internet increases, people need to be aware of the effects of online cheating in Internet relationships.

The Internet allows people to be as anonymous as they want. Many people enjoy participating in chat rooms because they feel secure; in a chat room, people provide only as much information as they chose to. They can portray themselves in flattering ways and leave as soon as things start to get uncomfortable or boring. Internet relationships are usually thought of as casual and fun and do not carry the stress and responsibilities that “real” relationships often have.

For this reason, many people enjoy starting romantic relationships over the Internet. Even people who are in serious relationships sometimes enjoy flirting with others online. Often, this is seen as a harmless activity because there is no physical interaction and the Internet is such a casual medium. The people who develop online relationships may not feel that they are cheating at all. However, sometimes Internet relationships become more serious. People involved in Internet romances might chat for hours every day and build a very strong connection. Sometimes, Internet romances lead to a real life rendezvous; at this point, there is no debate as to whether or not this is cheating.

Although it may seem harmless, Internet cheating can actually be very hurtful. If someone is spending a lot of time online and neglects their partner, then this will damage the relationship and can be considered cheating even if no physical contact is ever made. If it is discovered that pictures were exchanged and sexual conversation were had, the cheating person’s partner will be especially hurt and may feel undesired. Internet relationships are often discovered accidentally through emails and saved pictures, so no one should think that they are likely to get away with an online relationship. In the end, Internet cheating is a slippery slope, and even people who never meant to cause any harm might end up having a full-blown affair and are likely to get caught.

At the same time, it is natural for people to want to connect with other people. Flirting is also a natural, confidence-boosting activity that most people engage in without even realizing it. Not all Internet relationships are necessarily bad. The key is to draw a line; the location of this line will vary from couple to couple. Some people do not mind if their partners flirt or have friendships with people of the opposite sex, so long as the relationships never become physical or too time-consuming. Couples should talk to each other openly and decide what they feel comfortable with. In general, it is better to be safe than sorry, and people should avoid Internet relationships that they think might hurt their partner if discovered.
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Mar 22, 2009

Ask Your Girlfriend or Boyfriend to Lose Weight

There are many health issues related to being overweight. Here are some tips.

Steps
  • Confront the person you wish to talk to about losing weight. Tell them that you want them to be here for a long time, and that you want to help them to be healthy.
  • Focus on health, rather than looks. It is important to explain that you are attracted to them now, and that should not be the primary focus. If they agree, get rid of all the junk food in the house, including soda, high sugar cereals, etc.
  • Replace all the junk food with fruits, vegetables, high fiber cereals, water, vitamins, etc.
  • Set an example by modeling good eating and exercising behaviors.
  • Do yoga, go to the gym, jog, and take walks together. Doing it together will help to keep your loved one motivated to keep going, and the more weight they lose, the better they will feel.
  • During the entire process, give your mate encouragement. Say how good he or she looks, how well he or she is doing, how proud you are, etc.

Tips

  • Go in with a positive attitude, it will make it a lot easier to open up to your mate.
  • Don't try to force anyone to lose weight. When someone is forced to do something, they're more likely to quit in the beginning.
  • For a little competitive spin, go to the school's track, and race each other on foot. You'll have fun and lose weight in the process.
  • Be mindful of that person's pitfalls. What leads or contributes to his or her weight gains? When there are physical or emotional attachments (giving birth, a newer source of stress, an illness, grieving a death), be mindful that coping methods are developed for a reason. Sometimes, that person simply has never been exposed to healthy eating, healthy portions, or quality exercise.
  • Make it a part of your daily lifestyle, rather than a short-term goal. Keep a weight loss log on the fridge, your name on one side of the paper, your mate's on the other side. Week 1, lost 3 pounds, etc.
  • At the end of the month, you can add it up, and see how much each of you have lost. You don't have to keep the starting weight for everyone to see, or you could even just record the percent loss a la the television show The Biggest Loser.
  • There are many people and information in your area, and online, as far as vitamins, weight loss regimens, excersises, foods, and so on.

Warnings

  • Don't overdo it, keep plenty of fluids in your body.
  • Don't lose weight in a dangerous way, like taking drugs or starving yourself.
  • Always be tactful, and keep yourself and your partner reassured of your goals: to be healthy individuals and to be in a healthy relationship!
  • Your girlfriend/boyfriend might get really upset with you or feel insulted. If this is the case, let them know that you really care and you just want them to be healthy.
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Avoid Being a Third Wheel

A friend of yours is dating and you couldn't be happier for them. Now that your friend is half of a couple, how do you avoid being a third wheel when spending time with your friend?

Do not be around the couple constantly. While this can be difficult if you're used to hanging out with your friend all the time, it's time to realize that dating has shifted the time availability that your friend now has. A new couple is going to want some time to themselves, the more you can give them their space when they need it, the less anyone will resent your presence when you are around.
Suggest group activities. You'll feel less of a third wheel if you're not the only person there aside from the couple. Have other mutual friends come along.
Get to know your friend's new girlfriend or boyfriend. Find out what you have in common. If the three of you all get along, you can be more comfortable as a group. Ask your friend to hang out when it's just the two of you, so you won't be encroaching on dating time.
Develop other activities and interests. Make a point of spending more time with your other friends. Consider an after school activity or a different pastime. Not only will you have fun while your friend is out on dates, you'll have lots to tell him or her about next time you're together, but don't make the point of telling them about it to make them jealous of your new activities and friends.
Feeling jealous is natural but don't get angry at your friends new partner. It's not their fault you feel the way you do. A way to solve your problem as not being a third wheel anymore is to start yourself a relationship. In this case there will be four people to hang out or you could just spend the time with your girlfriend/boyfriend.
Despite your efforts, some people will ignore old friends when they start dating. If this is the case, you can try talking to your friend, or simply wait it out. Many relationships don't last and your friend may turn to you again once it is over. But remember not to let your friend get in the habit of blowing you off just because they have a new boyfriend or girlfriend. If this is the case, move on to a new friend.
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Your Boyfriend Likes You Because You Resemble His Ex?---How to cope with

Competing with an ex is always hard, but if you seem to have a little too much in common with the ex, its time to dig in deeper to find out what his real reasons for liking you are.

--Pay attention to compliments. Are they all about the way you look? Or even a comparison such as "your hair is red like Sarah's, but prettier" or even "Sarah wore her hair the same way you do" could be an indication of whether he only likes you for your looks.
--Get to know his ex better. If she goes to the same school, keep an eye out for her [but don't initiate a confrontation]. If you have no contact with her, scope out pictures [check if she has Myspace or Facebook or Bebo] and make sure if that really is the case.
--Listen to him if he ever brings his ex up, or listen to his friends talk about her [don't ask them about her though] and try to get conclusive evidence/ confirm this.
--Talk to a close friend about this [preferably someone who knows him through you] and see their reaction. If they think its definitely possible, you might be onto something here.
--Having confirmed that he only likes you for the way you look, re-evaluate your relationship. Do you really want to be with someone like that? Sure if you guys break up you'll be single, but single also means available for someone outstanding, who actually likes you for the awesome person you are!
--Try making him like you for yourself. Talk to him more, preferably over the phone so that you aren't faced with a situation where he wants to cuddle up and you want to have a deep conversation.
--Share your dreams and ambitions, and make him realize that you're a different person from his ex, no matter how identical you both look.
--Consider a slight change in the way you look if it REALLY bothers you. This can range from something as simple as a new hairstyle to a new haircut or even [in extreme cases] changing your hair color/ getting contacts. Before making any changes think about whether he's worth changing for.
--Talk to him about it if you think it's getting out of hand. Don't be rude or confrontational, just bring it to his notice and consider taking a short break so that he misses YOU and not the way you look.
--Remember: just because he doesn't seem to like you for you, doesn't mean you aren't an awesome person.
--Don't be afraid to let go, the better person could be out there right now wondering when he's going to meet someone as awesome as you!
--Don't change yourself for anyone
--If you do decide to change, make sure that you're absolutely certain before getting a haircut or dyeing your hair a different color.
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