Workplace Relationships and Managing Relationship Stress at Work

So you are like roughly one-third of people at work - you are toying with the idea of a relationship with one of your work colleagues. You are tired of the dating game in bars and speed lunches and on-line services. You have met too many people that make you nervous. On the surface they look and sound credible but you have no history on them, no background, you didn't grow up in the same neighborhood, and you can't ask your favorite aunt who knows every family in the community whether this person is OK. In short, you are a single person in a large city where everyone's background seems anonymous. And you are definitely not going to take risks in your next relationship.

Having thought this through, you decide to check out your workmates. There are a couple of particularly attractive people you have always had more than a passing interest in. You have learned a lot about them, know them to be dependable, honorable, respectful - you know, all those character traits your mother told you to find in a potential son- or daughter-in-law. On occasions when colleagues have met for after work get-togethers, parties, drinks, and so on, these people seemed relaxed, fun, even exciting. So the stage is set even though all of this sounds rather calculating.

Perhaps before you start to make your moves, and as we are in a planning mood at present, you should check out your organization's HR policies on dating. For those of us in universities, there are clear guidelines about not being romantically or physically involved with our students but like most public organizations there is no written policy about work colleagues dating.

In a 2008 survey reported on by the Society for Human Resource Management results showed that employers are considering establishing and communicating policies and procedures about workplace relationships, although only one in seven actually have a policy. Policies and training help individuals decide whether a possible romantic outcome is likely to cause difficulties for their job security and promotion.

Knowing where you stand can provide security and reduce workplace stress and misunderstandings. Once again, and this is no surprise, we have differences between men and women in terms of workplace relationships. While 43% of men endorse the idea of workplace romance and relationships, only one quarter of the women hold positive feelings. Despite a growing trend in workplace romances, the stress and danger of such romances is demonstrated by the number of couples who keep their relationship secret - more than a third. Women are much more likely to keep the relationship secret.

For those who are out in the open about their relationship, or even the secretive ones, preparing and signing a relationship contact is a new way of regulating the relationship and insulating both parties from unpleasant fallout in the workplace if a relationship goes sour. It all sounds a bit mechanical and unromantic but then some would say the same about a prenuptial contract. The important point about a contract is that it specifies duties, obligations, rights, and privileges, and this can provide extra security, relieve stress, and ensure the relationship is on a firm footing.

Life is certainly complex, isn't it? From my point of view, unless you are a committed risk taker, planning carefully and thoughtfully is a great way of reducing insecurity, unpredictability, stress, tension, and traumatic calamities.