Your Children Should Not Suffer Because of Divorce

Unfortunately, divorce is a family affair, and the effects are felt beyond just the couple who are divorcing. Parents must carefully consider the impact that their divorce will have on their children.
Many children feel lost and insecure when their parents divorce, and frequently they blame themselves. Furthermore, don't think that just because you children are older they will not feel it as well. Parents must make their best effort to make the transition as easy as possible for their children, regardless of their ages.
The following points will give you highlight some of the ways you as a parent can make your divorce less painful for your children.

• By all means, do not fight in front of your children, particularly about issues which directly concern the divorce, such as child support, custody and other related topics. This will only exacerbate the problems that they may have to face in the area of adjustment, and typically forces them to feel as though they need to take "sides" in the divorce.
• Never use your children as pawns in the fight against your spouse. Children suffer irreversible damage when they have to listen to a parent being constantly criticized. When the criticism is by the other parent, it is very hard for the child to reconcile these two realities. Children are frequently used in custody battles, especially when one spouse wants to hurt the other. However, this strategy will not only harm the child, but in the long run it will greatly damage the parent's own relationship with the child.
• Your children are neither messengers nor spies. Although communication is generally not at its best during divorce or after a divorce, if you have something to discuss with the other parent, then make direct contact, and keep it civil. In spite of how you may feel about the person, this is also the children's parent, and they still love that parent, just as they love you.
• Minimize unnecessary changes. The change that divorce brings to a child's life is major and dramatic. Parents must keep other changes at a minimum so the child can adjust gradually to this new life. Try to avoid changing residences or schools, at least for a while. If you are the parent who has to move out of the family home, frequently remind your children that you are still their parent and will always be there for them.
  

If you can use these points to lay the groundwork for how you interact with your children during the divorce process, both you and your children will come through the experience emotionally stronger and with your relationship intact.