The Power Of Nicknames

According to 'science' and 'scientists,' private nicknames foster closeness. To which I say "no doy, Einstein." Over at The Today Show, they say that a study published in the Journal of Social And Personal Relationships says that relationship satisfaction increases in proportion to the amount of "insider language" a couple uses.
A PhD relationships therapist named James Turndoff says, "Using nicknames and made-up language is an easy way to inject positive communication into everyday life." Good call, Doc. In addition to pet names, private language is great way to establish the all-important Bonnie-and-Clyde-ness of a relationship. It's US versus the WORLD and if you can't understand what I'm saying then you are not with US.
While this may seems a little high school-ish ("Oh my God, BooBoo, it's just me and you, no one has ever felt this way before about each other. They don't understand us and they'd try pull us apart if they knew what we had. Let's drink each other's blood,"), it's the way of the world. Even good friends develop nicknames to convey affectionate closeness ("My friends call me Vicky, you may call me Dr. Mason").
And, frankly, hearing or saying pet names isn't that awful, is it? Yeah, some nicknames are a touch on the rot-your-teeth-out-with-saccharine side ("Who's my fuzzy wuzzy Tiger Tummy?"), but it sort of makes sense that people who eschew familiar nicknames may have intimacy issues or take themselves way too seriously. And people who bag on other people's nicknames may just be gween-eyed, widdle haters… ("yes you are, who's my widdle hater?).
In summary, rock your nickname with pride, because you're only Pickles to one special person, to everyone else your name is Chris and you work in accounting (or whatever your real name is).