'Should I tell my partner that I used to be fat?'

Throughout my twenties I was deeply unhappy and overweight, but two years ago I managed to slim down from a size 18 to a size 10. Soon after, I met my partner with whom I am very happy, but who has no idea I used to be obese. The problem is that I’m terrified of returning to my former self – physically and mentally – and losing him in the process. I’m obsessively counting calories and it’s driving me mad. What can I do?

THE HYPNOTHERAPIST
BONITA RAYNER-JONES
Hypnotherapy is one of the best ways to control weight as it addresses the psychological aspect, changing how you think about food and yourself. Very few 'naturally’ slim people count calories – they eat when they’re hungry and stop when full, simple. Begin to relax around food, remind yourself it is always there, that there’s no need to panic and you have the choice to feel good, slim and content, and say 'no’; or eat rubbish and feel bad. Think positive thoughts, such as, 'I am relaxed and in control, and I enjoy looking beautiful and slim from eating healthy and nutritious foods.’ Focus on what you gain from eating rather than feeling like you’re missing out. Visualise yourself in the future – one year, two years, five years from now, still slim, enjoying life and food, but good wholefood. Eat three proper meals a day, listen to your body, stop when full and enjoy your life – easy.

THE NUTRITIONAL THERAPIST
MELANIE BROWN
First, congratulations on turning your life around; you have shown how much determination you have. But perhaps it’s your secret that’s driving you mad and it’s time to share your fears with your new man. He loves you for who you are now, not who you were. Enlisting support is an important tool in weight management. Rather than assessing food only as a sum of its calories, think of it positively, giving you great hair, skin and energy levels, and contributing to all the other aspects that your man loves, not just your shape. Moreover, low calorie and 'diet’ foods are not necessarily healthy. Research shows that low-fat diets and artificial sweeteners actually contribute to cravings and weight gain. Eating protein for each meal in the form of meat, fish, chicken, pulses, eggs, yogurt or cottage cheese will keep you satisfied. Eat good fats such as fish, nuts and seeds, and green vegetables to help stay slim. What about learning more about nutrition? There are some great books around. Finally, have your vitamin D levels checked; research shows that low levels may be associated with weight gain.

THE CLINICAL PSYCHOLOGIST
PIETER KRUGER
Certain foods are better for us than others and it is generally important to eat healthily, but your focus on food should not become obsessive. The level of calorie-counting to which you refer seems to have a strong negative emotional component attached to it and can be one step towards an eating disorder. This obsession with food can stem from a low self-worth and a low perception of control over internal feelings and external events. A low self-worth often comes from the obsessive need for recognition and acceptance from others, instead of just feeling happy with who you are. A perception of a lack of control over external events will further create the fear that you might not be able to maintain your current healthy weight. The key to dealing with this calorie-counting would be, first, to deal with your negative emotions and self-worth issues and, second, to maintain a healthy, balanced lifestyle.