How to flirt modestly

Single people of all ages often find themselves interested in those of the opposite sex. That is the natural order of things to help humans find appropriate mates to marry for life and reproduce to continue the species. Flirting is a social behavior that allows someone to express an attraction to another.

Outrageous flirting is unsuitable for most public occasions. Casual flirtations may occur between couples of all ages. Modest flirting is a good idea for young people who are still learning about other people and themselves. So what is modest flirting and how is it done?



We've all heard stories of the unspoken love that lasts half a century or longer, unrequited, because it remained a secret. Then there are love stories where the couple became aware of a mutual attraction. For a host of reasons, sometimes they act on their attraction; sometimes they don't. It is this second type of situation that frequently engages modest flirting, the kind that takes place in Jane Austen or Charlotte Bronte romances.


Modest flirting is the art of subtly letting someone know you are mildly interested. In fact, the implied interest is so artful that it may be construed as curiosity rather than attraction. Either way, the other person realizes that someone is taking note of his features, speech, or appearance. Since observation is highly flattering, he automatically turns his attention on the observer, who now begins to flirt in earnest.


Yet she must be cautious. As he turns a glance her way, she allows her eyes to meet his only for a fraction of a second before dropping them. Perhaps her face colors slightly. She may even turn away as though slightly flustered or embarrassed. The object of her study is now piqued and he in turn observes his subject as she pretends not to notice.


In the meantime the pair may be exchanging greetings with other acquaintances who pass by or stop to chat. After a few moments the woman allows herself to send an inquisitive glance at the object of her admiration as she senses his look in her direction through her peripheral vision. Turning her head slightly to let her eyes meet his, she again drops her eyes in confusion and turns the other way with no seeming effort.


Now the man knows she is interested and he is hot on her trail. He may stare after her or continue glancing at her back periodically in the moments that follow. If he is bold, he may make his way to somewhere nearby, feeling the air between them for vibrations that tell him she is worth pursuing. She also feels the tension and turns once more in his direction; their eyes brush and lock briefly, no more than a second. She colors as he bows his head or turns to speak to someone.


If her chosen suitor is bold, a moment later he is at her side with a question or comment of polite conversation. She stares straight ahead or looks down, eluding his efforts to capture and hold her glance. She allows a small smile to perk her lips momentarily, and as their eyes meet once more, he may press a more pointed question:


"Would you like to dance?"


"Do you come here often?"


If he is less bold, the fleeting seconds remind both that their time is past. The woman crosses the room to catch up to a friend while her admired admirer looks after before turning away to do some catching up of his own.


Their eyes will continue to catch for the rest of the evening, but less urgently now. As the evening draws to an end, the pair realizes either that they must see one another again or else that it is not meant to be. Only time will tell.


Without a word, love is born, stretches briefly, and then flies off into oblivion. Such is the nature of modest flirtation.